If there’s one thing the Internet has given us, it’s easy access to boobs – and I’m not just talking about breasts.

In the past few days, I experienced three specific incidents that motivated me to write.

First, there was a women advocating “unique” shot placement when using a gun in self-defense… against a woman: aiming for the pelvis, specifically the uterus. You can read the whole thing here (note: Melody Lauer posted, but it’s not Melody advocating this approach). This is terrible advice on many levels (would require its own article to explain, but thankfully you can read the comments on the original posting). Much of the authority for the argument comes from “being female”.

Second, via Facebook’s “someone you follow was tagged” feature, I came across a woman who takes a popular approach towards gaining “likes” and “followers”: showing her boobs; or at least short-shorts, tank-tops, and ample cleavage with the camera angles just right to titillate the viewer. Oh yes, and guns. In one picture, she stands pulling up her shirt ever so slightly, not just to show off her flat stomach, but also the 1911 she carries appendix style. The caption begins with “I get asked what holster I used to conceal carry”, and goes downhill from there. Not only a poor holster choice, but she also proudly exclaims how she doesn’t carry cocked and locked, but maybe sometimes chambered with the hammer down “if walking in a dark alley”. And she further claims that with “training and situational awareness you can still have plenty of time to draw and shoot”. The post continues on with a mixture of good and bad advice – mostly bad. I’m not sure from where she draws her authority, but for sure with thousands of followers, someone is going to listen to her advice.

Third, in a Facebook “discussion” I only saw via screenshot after the fact, a man stated “If you have to shoot, shoot to kill. Dead people can’t take you to court.” This statement was rebutted by none other than Andrew Branca. The original poster then replied telling Andrew that he needed to talk to a lawyer about self defense, that he needed to do some research first, and that he should read self-defense laws. He even suggested the NRA had people Andrew could talk to about this topic. Hrm. I’m not sure where the gentleman received his authority to speak, but maybe he could talk to Andrew.

This isn’t just in the realm of self-defense. Another world I inhabit is fitness: weightlifting, powerlifting, bodybuilding, and such activities. You see it all the time where some “food babe” or dude with “ripped abz” and hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers doles out advice. But upon what authority? What makes them a subject matter expert? Why should people listen to them?

It’s important to vet your sources (including me). There’s nothing wrong with letting people say whatever they want, but YOU need to be pickier about who you listen to and how much weight you give to what they have to say. Why should I listen to this person? What background do they have that makes them an authority and/or subject matter expert (SME)? And does that supposed position actually make the person an SME? For example, many people believe police officers are experts on law and how to shoot, merely because they’re a cop. But the reality is, some are, many aren’t. Vet your sources (including me).

There is nothing wrong with looking at beautiful plumage. We’re animals, and all animals are attracted to beautiful plumage. There are times when plumage is the correct and applicable criterion for the task at hand. But when it comes to matters of your life – be it your health or fitness, or what you do in the gym or for self-defense and how to handle a gun – please… stop looking at the boobs.

Sometimes you just don’t know. And if you don’t know, I don’t think you should get involved.

This past Saturday night, around 9 PM or so, I was driving the family back home from visiting friends. We pull up to a stop-light at a large intersection: highway runs north-south, we’re on the cross-street (going under the highway), there’s a gas station next to us, lights, people.

I see a young man and young woman, the man is carrying a large sign. It looks to be an advertising banner (e.g. “Hot Dog & Soda, $5” or some such thing) to put on the roadside to try to draw customer into the gas station. I thought perhaps the sign blew over and this guy was recovering it, or maybe given the time the station was closing and a worker pulling in the sign for the night, or maybe one of those “sign twirler guys” calling it a night.

Nope.

“Sign guy” walks over to a street light pole that has someone sitting at the base of it. Sign guy wraps the sitting guy up in the banner sign and starts beating him!

WTF?

After a few seconds of punching, sign guy (and the female  he was with) continue walking down the side walk. Sitting dude pulls the sign off himself, and continues to just sit there.

It became a teachable moment for my family.

First, would I have intervened? Highly unlikely. I have my family in the car, and THEIR safety is paramount to me. No, I don’t want to see someone get beat up, but if I get involved it could risk the safety of my family and I cannot do that.

Second, what happened? My kids’ response was that “sign guy” was the jerk. But was he?

Maybe the sitting-guy did something to sign-guy’s lady, and sign-guy was defending her (honor).

No one seemed that beat up, and the punches didn’t seem like much either. Maybe they were friends and messing around?

Or maybe in fact sign-guy was the jerk.

The problem is we don’t know. We don’t know the story, and if we interfere we risk getting it wrong. We see the guy getting beat as the victim, but maybe he’s the perpetrator. So what happens if we get involved and actually assist the bad guy?

This is a danger in getting involved in someone else’s business. You risk not knowing the whole (or enough) of the story, and you risk getting it wrong and possibly making the situation worse. I grant this is a tough thing, because we want to help. Plus we bemoan the state of our society where it’s a common exhortation that “everyone stands around and does nothing”. Every situation is different, and you have to take them as they come; but as a general rule, I’d rather not get involved if there’s risk to my personal safety, the safety of my loved ones, and a good chance involvement could make the situation worse. Better to choose options that make the situation better (think about what those could be).

Consider this from another angle.

Consider how your actions might be viewed by someone else.

If you jumped in, might someone else rolling up to the scene view YOU as the aggressor, as the attacker, as the jerk, as the person in need of “corrective action”?

Or how about if you find yourself in a legitimate self-defense situation (of yourself)? You have a gun out, someone else sees it. How do you think YOU will be viewed? How about when the police roll on scene? They will see “person with a gun”, and what conclusions do you think they will reasonably jump to?

Lessons to learn: get the whole story (or at least enough of the story), and remember that you too may be viewed with a partial (or incorrect) story. Carry yourself accordingly.

I made Grant Cunningham’s “Hump Day” reading list for September 7, 2016.

The ubiquity of video today means that we can look at fights and attacks in a way that we couldn’t before — and, in this case, you can see what it’s like when a fight breaks out in a restaurant. On the Stuff From Hsoi blog, John Daub does a superb job of analyzing what you should do to keep from being a casualty of a fight you had nothing to do with. (My favorite: don’t worry about WHY it’s happening, instead think about HOW you’re going to respond to keep yourself safe.)

Grant, thank you for the link AND the kind words.

And I feel honored to be in good company. Not just making Grant’s list, but this particular list contains articles from: Jim Wilson, Greg Ellifritz, Caleb Causey, Tiger McKee, Wim Demeere, and Darryl Bolke. If you’re curious about people worth paying attention to, there’s a good list to start with.

Head over to Grant’s reading list and get your learn on.

It is a wise person that learns from the mistakes and experiences of others.

Become a wise(r) person and learn from the experiences of Paul Lathrop.

In February 2016, Paul Lathrop was involved in what appeared to be a low-key self-defense incident. Unfortunately, the event turned into a big problem. Paul was charged, arrested, spent time in jail, but ultimately the charges were dropped (because they were false). There are some important things we can learn from Paul’s experience.

First, Paul tells his whole story in Episode 381 of the Handgun World Podcast. You need to take the time to listen to the entire thing as there’s a great deal to be learned in hearing from Paul first-hand. Seriously. Don’t just skim what I’m about to write and think it sufficient – it’s not. You need to listen to Paul’s account. Listen in the gym when you’re on the treadmill, listen during your daily commute, listen over the course of a few sessions if it’s too long. Just listen to the whole thing, I implore you.

While I was listening, of course I thought about my incident. Realize I’m filtering what I’m about to say through my own experiences. Also, know that I am not here to criticize nor chastise Paul; I know how it is to have people insert their interpretation of events and crucify you over their false or limited knowledge. What I am trying to do is the same thing I did when I shared my story and the same reason Paul gave in sharing his story: to help others learn. We want you to learn from our experiences, so hopefully you won’t have to pay what we’ve paid.

There were three key things about Paul’s incident that stood out to me.

Always Be Cool

From what I can understand, it seems that the pivot point of the incident was Paul’s driving partner giving the other guy the one-finger-salute. Other guy felt disrespected, and everything descended from there. Of course, I cannot hold Paul responsible for the actions of his driving partner, but realize Paul paid for those actions.

In almost every facet of life, the sooner you solve a problem, the better because it minimizes cost. In the context of self-defense we tout the importance of avoid, deter, deescalate – this is an attempt to solve a problem sooner and thus be less costly. We are human thus we are emotion-driven, and we all get angry. We have to work to improve our ability to manage our emotions, especially ones that can get us into trouble. Think about how all of this could have been avoided, and if avoided how much less costly things would have been for Paul.

Since the situation wasn’t avoided, it needed deterrence or deescalation. What do you think could have been done to achieve that end? Granted, we weren’t there so we can’t specifically say. But just consider such a situation and think about possible options. For example, maybe saying “I’m sorry”. Or you may even have to make up a lie, such as “I’m sorry… I had a really shitty day today, everything broke down, wife yelling at me, boss yelling at me, dropped my phone in the toilet… it’s just been a really shitty day and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry.” Yeah, it’s a bit of a story, and you may not really be sorry at all! But it may just be what’s needed to keep a situation from worsening.

I believe I got the above strategy – capitulation, even false capitulation – from Greg Hamilton at Insights Training. Another thing from Greg is the “ABC of Self-Defense – Always Be Cool“. Strive to Always Be Cool, especially behind the wheel of a vehicle, and it makes a big difference in your life.

Be the first to call the police

Paul acknowledges he should have called the police.

The thing is, the first person to contact the police? They WILL be viewed as the victim, and that’s precisely what happened. The other guy got to frame the incident, and despite the fact it was a series of lies, it was enough for Paul to be arrested and to cause everything to have to be sorted out later.

I asked Massad to identify the most common mistakes armed citizens make that get them in trouble following a justified self-defense shooting. Without hesitation, he replied, “Failing to call police after the incident.”

“The citizen is in a situation that warrants drawing the gun,” he continued. “They do everything right, the suspect turns and runs, and it ends without bloodshed as most of these things do. The citizen figures that it is over, so they do not call the police, but the offender calls in and complains and the next thing you know the citizen has become the perpetrator and the original assailant becomes the victim/complainant, or at least is seen as such.”

“Who ever calls in first, by default, gets to be the victim/complainant,” he emphasized.

(from Massad Ayoob <– read this article too)

If you are in any form of self-defense incident, you need to call the police. Even if it winds up being nothing, it’s still some level of help here because bad guys don’t call the police. If you don’t call, how do you think you’ll be perceived and colored? Again, it doesn’t matter what the truth of the situation is, because right now you’re still being arrested. The truth will come out, but what cost will you pay? Again, the sooner you can solve a problem, the less costly it will be. Call the police as soon as you can safely do so.

Be a member of ACLDN

When my incident happened, I was already a member of the Armed Citizens Legal Defense Network. When Paul’s happened, he was not.

Just to get started, it cost Paul $12,500 – $10,000 to retain the lawyer, $2500 for bail (and that was apparently a reduced bail). Paul made a good point: how many of you right now can go into your bank account and write a check for $12,500? And if you can, that it won’t adversely affect your family budget? Note as well, that’s cheap, and that’s just to start. If Paul’s situation had gone another way, his legal costs would have skyrocketed.

Let’s also not forget the money in lost wages, his travel expenses (having to travel back to the locale for every hearing, etc.). Paul didn’t give a final tally, but you better believe this incident cost him a lot more than $12,500.

If he had been a member of ACLDN, he wouldn’t have had to pay that $12,500.

Membership to ACLDN is $135 for 1 year, $295 for 3 years, or $790 for 10-years. $790 seems like a lot of money, but compare it to $12,500 and it’s a drop in the bucket.

What often happens when someone talks about things like this, they try to not sound like they’re playing favorites. They’ll talk about other groups like Texas Law Shield, USCCA and so on saying “it doesn’t matter which you join, just do your research and join one”. I’ll grant there’s something to that, and I did my research and I joined ACLDN. I think they provide the best “product”. And of course, given I’ve had to directly use their services and have first-hand experience at how they run things well… I’ll just say I have renewed for 10-years, and I’d join at a “Life” membership if they had such a thing. No I don’t get paid for this, I don’t get anything from ACLDN or Marty Hayes. I’m just a member, and a very satisfied one at that.

But you know what really sells me on ACLDN? The caliber, quality, and character of the people who make up the network. Not just people like my own attorney, Gene Anthes, but Massad Ayoob and Marty Hayes himself. Listen to Paul’s story. ACLDN could not help Paul because he was not a member at the time of the incident, but Marty did everything he personally could to help Paul out. Paul also said that of all the groups out there, only Marty reached out to him.

Like I said – the character of the people who make up the network. You’re choosing people you want on your side, fighting for your life and well-being. Choose wisely.

To that I would add, choose now. Neither Paul nor I woke up in the morning and expected we’d be interacting with the police later that day. You don’t get to choose when your flag will fly. I know I had things that I put off, and had I not perhaps my day would have gone differently. It’s evident from listening to Paul that he too had things he put off, and had he not his day would have gone differently. Yes, that $135/year seems like a lot, but pull a little from your ammo fund and do it now, so you don’t risk having to pull 10x that for a lawyer.

Wisdom

I’m glad things worked out for Paul. I’m thankful to Paul for sharing his story, warts and all. I can empathize with a lot of what he went through, so I can appreciate what he did here. We share because we want you to learn, be it from our mistakes or just our general experience. Please take the lessons to heart. Please take action from our lessons.

Once the cops have been called, you don’t need to be running around outside with a gun in your hand. The chances for a blue-on-blue shooting skyrocket in incidences like that. Plainclothes officers get shot all the damn time in similar circumstances. It’s easy to tell who the responding officers are because they show up in a car with blinking lights and they’re all dressed the same. You want to not be on the playing field wearing the other team’s uniform when they show up.

From Tam. Emphasis added.

The way she phrased it is novel and I think really drives the point home.

I respond with “THERE IS A GUY IN MY CAR AND I’M ABOUT TO SHOOT HIM!”.   The thought….. if this guy is conscious that may provoke response.  I’ve had experience rousting drunks and bums in a former life, and sometimes it takes a real push to get a reaction. They will often play dead just to be left alone

No response from Mr. Dark Lump Dude… except some twitching.

I shut the door, backed up to the porch, and engaged my light while keeping a hand close to my weapon.  A few moments looking, and it’s pretty clear what I am facing. A scruffy guy who was stumbling down the road, and took shelter in the car to sleep off whatever he’s on.  My guess, only slightly educated, would be heroin, alcohol, and weed.

Breath, and back down from Defcon 1 to Defcon 2.

Carteach0 shares with us a recent situation he was involved in. You will want to click through and read the whole thing.

Earlier this month, a friend of mine was in a similar situation. Friend was drifting off to sleep but then heard someone breaking into his truck. Gun was drawn, some yelling, dude took off. No shooting.

Both of these people are well-trained.

And it’s all their training that kept them from shooting. Or rather, that they understood there’s a time to shoot, and that time hadn’t come.

See, a lot of people think that just because people have guns that they will solve all of their problems by shooting. There’s some truth to that, because often when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. For sure I see lots of people who only understand things like “shooting”, and consider that the solution. Just read comment threads online and you’ll see this “solution” offered up quite often.

Shooting is certainly an answer, but it’s a very specific answer to a very specific problem.

This is where training comes in, and why training is so important.

Certainly, it’s important to have training in how to shoot. When the flag flies, there will be a lot happening in a little bit of time, and you must make decisive actions quickly. These decisions have massive gravity, and will likely affect the rest of your life and perhaps the lives of others. Thus, you need your brain free to work through those problems, so mechanical matters like “how to shoot (well)” should be something that you can “just do”. That takes training, that takes practice, that takes some level of dedication and discipline to acquire that ability.

Perhaps more importantly, you need to have training in how NOT to shoot. You need to understand how scenarios play out. You have to know the law. You should be aware of human psychology. Concepts like “verbal judo” and “managing unknown contacts” should be tools in your toolbox. You need to have more tools in your toolbox, so when a problem needs solving you don’t just start hammering nails.

What Carteach0 and my friend did, they were able to engage their brains. They disengaged “monkey brain” – “Ooo! Danger! Bash with rock!” – and worked to solve the problem. They were able to think, to consider, to assess the situation as it unfolded and took the best course of action that lead to the best possible outcome.

Without a doubt, this can be attributed to training.

So where can you get such training?

When it comes to legal, people like Massad Ayoob and Andrew Branca have classes and books on the matter.

Classes/material from William Aprill provides great insight into criminal mindset.

Craig “SouthNarc” Douglas is one of the best when it comes to skills like “managing unknown contacts”.

Scenario training (also known as “force-on-force” training) is invaluable at helping you see that everything isn’t a nail, you don’t always solve problems with a hammer, and giving you better insight into how things actually happen. You’ve probably heard how visualization is a powerful learning technique? Scenario training is visualization without the fantasy. There are many out there that provide this sort of training, and my boss-man, Karl Rehn, is one of the pioneers and best at this type of training.

The bottom line?

It’s not enough to purchase a piece of hardware.

It’s not enough to just go to the range or the back pasture and plink a few rounds now and again. Just because you can “drill the bullseye” out in the comfort of a causal range session doesn’t mean you can perform under pressure.

When the flag flies, you don’t rise up, you descend. Thus you need to ensure that even in this descent, you’re still at a high enough level to perform. The two situations above demonstrate that we do descend, but with enough training one can still keep their head above water.

So look at yourself right now and honestly assess yourself: are you at that (higher) level? Have you ever shot a higher-level skills course under time pressures (e.g. the “3M Test“, “3 Seconds or Less“, “Rangemaster Level 5“, FBI Qualification) and been able to pass it cold, on-demand, consistently? Have you found yourself in potentially bad situations during daily life and been at a loss as for how to solve the problem?  It’s not a time for ego or delusion folks – your life depends on honest answers. And if you’re not, start making your plans now to improve.