A little good, a little bad. It’s squat day.

“Week 1”

• 5 reps – Squat (working max: 240#)
  • 2x5x45 (warmup)
  • 1x5x95
  • 1x5x120
  • 1x5x145
  • 1x5x160 (work)
  • 1x5x180
  • 1x6x205
• Asst. #1 – Squat
  • 5 x 10 x 95
• Asst. #2 – Leg Curls
  • 5 x 10 x 60
• Metcon – jump rope
  • 1 Tabata set – all single hop

A little good, a little bad.

Physically, the workout was acceptable. Squats felt heavy, the work set was alright. On the 5th rep I was thinking “no way, I can’t stop at 5….” and barely managed to get 6 out and felt that if I even tried 7 I’d barely get out of the hole and dump the bar. But compared to prior work sets getting 1x7x200 and 1x5x210, 1x5x205 feels right in the groove, no increase. *sigh* The assistance squats are better, continuing to use that as a time to focus on form and really tire myself out. I’m getting better at not having to think about cues like “chest up” and “hip drive”, and more working to keep my head “straight” (not chin pointed to the ceiling, nor the floor behind me, just spine in straight alignment) and my eyes up and focused on a single spot all the way through, which means yes I’m looking up when I’m in the hole… keeping “shoulders tight” too. And the leg curls, 60# with 1 min rest after that level of squatting work, works me just fine.

So physically I felt alright.

Mentally I still struggle with squatting. Starting Wednesday after that great bench press workout I knew I had to attack the squat. I kept telling myself that, but I also admit there’s always that seed of doubt creeping in and I have to fight to keep it out… but it’s still there. And it’s there always… that little gremlin. I put the 205 on my back, “damn that’s heavy” with a sprinkle of “can I do this?” *sigh* then as I work along “will I get to 5?” Then I get to 5 and I find myself thinking “holy shit, I barely did this… I need to do more, fuck no I’m not stopping here”. And then I struggle for 6, and mentally think there’s no way I’ll hit 7 and stop. Years of mental blockade to have to chip through here. Sure I’ve started because I am squatting, I’m facing it, I’m not going away from it, but for some damn reason I keep limiting myself this way. Years of mental conditioning are hard to escape I guess…. thanx Mom. 😉 I just don’t know how to totally break through it, but I’ll get there, just can’t give up.

Ah well. Onwards.