… how to shoot!
I recently blogged about kids and guns. And if you’re no stranger to my blog, you know that my kids are no strangers to shooting.
Which reminds me… it’s Daughter’s turn to go to the range. I need to schedule that in. I also need to get the scope remounted and re-zeroed on the Ruger 10/22. Furthermore, I need to restart my quest to find a good .22 pistol.
Dinner is done.
The table needs cleaning off. The children are supposed to be cleaning, but are farting around and wrestling with each other. Wife is getting irritated. Yes the kids are all in a good mood, and we really don’t want to dampen it with Threat Of Dad® coming down upon them. So instead, I opt to bribe provide positive reinforcement to the children.
Ice cream.
Going out for it, no less. Wife requested a little peaceful time to herself, so I’ll happily take the kids away so she can have her Calgon moment.
I told the kids: clean the table and kitchen to Mom’s satisfaction, then tend to the litter box. You have 15 minutes. And I walked away.
These kids are moving. They set a timer. Oldest started delegating tasks. They are focused. They are cooperating. I just heard Oldest holler for Middle, “I need some help!” “OK, I’m coming.” Wow… no smart-assery, no belligerence, no nothing. Just the stuff that parental dreams are made of!! 🙂
I just heard “OK, we have 5 minutes left.”. I’m not sure, but it sounds like they are going above and beyond, cleaning even a bit more!! Are they wanting sprinkles on top of their ice cream? Oldest is barking orders. There’s no “You’re not the boss of me!” retort, just a simple “OK.” and obeying of the command. Wow….
Is it a bribe? Is it positive motivation? Call it whatever you want. I know the true power of this moment. You see, now I have tangible proof they are totally capable of working together, as a streamlined unit, cooperating, focused, efficient, on task, without back-talk, without fighting, without a need for Dad to intervene and put things back on course. Yes… yes I will hold this against them in the future. 🙂
And get this. 2 minutes left. They come in my office and give a successful report. So this is another thing… they can get things done early! Man, they don’t realize how they’ve been set up… how high they just raised the bar for themselves. *insert diabolical fatherly laugh* 🙂
Updated: I should clarify, it’s not like my kids are normally misbehaved, disobedient, fight with each other, etc.. They’re actually quite well-behaved and do work well with each other. But, they are like any kid, they do have their sibling issues, they do have their moments of sheer jackassery. But still, tonight was sweet.
And sweet it was. I am still waiting for their Guinness ice cream to come back into rotation. A cup of that, some chocolate chunks crushed in. People I’m telling you there’s nothing finer. Had to settle (if you can call it that) for Mexican vanilla with fresh strawberries crushed in. Mmm.
I can’t remember where exactly I read this (and my Google-Fu is weak tonight), but I’m pretty sure it was either in Suzi’s blog or Ron’s blog. S or R was talking about little things and how wonderful they were. That time together didn’t have to mean going out on some extravagant date. One was saying how the other needed to go down to the corner store to put gas in the car and asked to go with. Sure it wasn’t an extravagant date, but it was time together.
I shared that with The Wife and since then we’ve been doing little things like that. Walk down to the mailbox with each other. Walk around the block. Run a quick errand. Whatever works. We’re even doing it with the kids, Oldest, Middle, and Youngest. I need to run to the store, go with me. I need to fix the sink, come watch. You’re reading your book? I’m reading my book. Come sit next to me and let’s read together.
Sometimes lots of little things adds up to more than just a few large things, y’know?
The wife and kids went grocery shopping. They come home, I go downstairs to see what goodies have been brought.
Seems the kids talked my wife into buying Kool-Aid and mini marshmallows.
How do I know this?
I see the children… mixing a purple powder in a glass… then adding marshmallows on top of it.
So… we have sugar drink topped with fluffy sugar pellets.
I think it’s time for the kids to go outside and run a few hundred laps around the house, eh?
My sons like to wear Skechers shoes. To update on the shoe shopping situation, it wound up that the shoes we ended up with ultimately weren’t going to work out… so off we went looking for other shoes. But at least we knew Oldest’s shoe size so why not order online, right? Mom & Oldest went looking online and found just the shoes he wanted. So on the 16th I ordered from skechers.com.
Days went by. I received no status update on the shipping of the shoes. That’s odd. Any eCommerce these days lets you know at most within 48 hours about status. Their website said it was in stock, that all is good… but yet by Friday I still had no idea if they were shipping or not (order status still said “processing”). So on Friday I phoned their customer service to ask. I was told that the shoe was out of stock (huh? what happened to that policy of 48 pairs of every shoe in stock?) and my order would automatically be cancelled soon. O…K…. I broke the news to Oldest and said we’d find the shoes somewhere else.
Then the FedEx man arrived on Saturday with Oldest’s shoes. Hrm.
Then what did I get in my email inbox this morning? A message saying my order had been processed and here’s the FedEx tracking number. I checked the tracking number and apparently the order shipped out of their facility on the 18th.
Wow.
They may have great shoes, but methinks there’s a lot of disconnect in their order processing system. Bug, not feature.
My friend Ron stopped feeding one of his sons today.
I think it’s a great idea.
I hadn’t thought about doing this specific thing, but I’m going to add it to my agenda for my own kids. I have been allowing Oldest to make more of his own choices mistakes, which is good. He’s got enough knowledge and experience in his head to be given some free reign and jurisdiction over himself. We still guide him and sometimes we have to make the decision for him, but in the end the consequences (good and bad) are his to receive, and any mistakes are his to deal with.
I have felt that when 16 years old comes around, we won’t buy any of the kids a car. If they want a car, they pay for it. I might go in half with them, we’ll have to see how prices are. But things like gas, insurance, money for whatever fun they want to have… they have to get that on their own. Basically, if you want things in life, you gotta work for it and earn it. It’s how life is (or at least, is supposed to be), so get used to it.
Also once they can start to drive I want them to take at least one class at the local community college to get used to how they are. Again, easing them into the real world.
Anyway, thanx for the idea Ron. Good one.
One thing I love about being home so much (side-benefit of the work-at-home situation) is my wife’s cooking.
Not just eating it and eating it 2-3 times a day, but smelling it.
I’ll be sequestered in my office. I’ll be deeply buried in code or debugging or some other software development joy. Then it hits me. Some smell… it has crept its way through the house. It might be the smell of garlic and onions sautéing. It might be bread baking. It might be the wonderful smell of bacon frying. Whatever it is, it’s always a wonderful smell. It’s always a pleasant surprise when it hits. Sometimes I’ll head down to the kitchen to see what’s cooking, other times I’ll just savor the aromas from afar and wait to see what else floats my way so I can try to figure out what she’s up to.
The printer is in my office. I’ll hear it kick in without my initiation, so I know it’s Mrs. Hsoi printing out a recipe she found. I do my best to avoid looking at the printout. I don’t want to know. I don’t want the surprise to be ruined. Let her cook. Let the clues waft my way. The simple please of deciphering the magic she’s performing in the kitchen.
I am a fortunate man. 🙂
Updated: You know how I know my wife reads my blog? I post this. I go get in the shower. I come out of the shower and smell… bacon. Sweet sweet thick cut smoky fatty bacon. She received the above subtle hint.
My wife is awesome.
Oldest’s shoes died a quiet death this past weekend. A little duct tape was used to keep them in play for a bit longer, but there was no question they were gone. Plus he’s growing and his toes were scrunching, so without question he needed new shoes. Darn these kids… they keep growing for some reason. 🙂
Oldest wanted some Dad time, so I took him shopping. Had lunch at Carl’s Jr. (they just opened here in Austin, tho I’ve been to them before when visiting California… it’s a burger, but it’s novel for the kids), then off we went for shoes.
Shoe Carnival? Nothing. Payless? Nothing. Wal-Mart? Nothing. Target? Nothing. JC Penny’s? Nothing. Then we hiked it across town to the Mall. Finish Line? Nope. Sketchers? Nope. Journey’s? No. Vans? Nope. Foot Locker? No. There’s a store or two that I’m forgetting, but they were “no” as well. Why so many failures? Well, some were just lack of selection… I tell my wife that Payless is great for women, and it is, but that’s all. Also Oldest’s feet seem to be at a stage where he’s maybe youth size maybe adult size (size 6), but either way there isn’t always enough available in his size. So when we can find a store that’s even plausable, then there’s nothing he likes.
Me: So what do you think?
Oldest: I don’t know.
Me: Well, did you see anything you liked?
Oldest: I don’t know.
Me: Did you see anything you didn’t like?
Oldest: I don’t know.
Me: *sigh* Well, you said that pair you maybe liked. So… what did you like about it?
Oldest: I don’t know.
Me: *sigh* The color? The style? The fit?
Oldest: I don’t know.
Me: *sigh*
And so on… the conversation went. Yes… those teenage years are upon me. I suppose this is my penance for my teenage years, right? Karma’s a bitch, man. 😉
So I explained to Oldest about guiding through decisions. How you gather information. If you liked this, what did you like about it? color, style, fit, etc.. If you didn’t like this, why didn’t you like it? Again, take a catalog of it. Make an explicit bit of work to figure that out. Tally it up. Eventually, if you pay attention to what you’re doing, you’ll figure it out. I kept working with him to help him figure things out, to help him sort it out, but letting him ultimately make the choices.
And so, eventually we get to Champs. We stood outside. Oldest was obviously tired and frustrated and wanting to give up in all of this. But I just stood there, reminding him that his current shoes were dead and giving up wasn’t going to solve anything… he’d just have to be back out again, so might as well deal with it now instead of prolonging the pain. We go into Champ’s, and the first few he tried he didn’t like. But we talked, he seemed to catch on to the decision making process. I might ask a question, have him compare to a prior shoe he tried. He’d tell me this felt better or worse, he didn’t like the color on this one, or whatever… so there was a breakthrough here, which made me happy. And eventually he found something. And lo, it was comfortable. It wasn’t too gaudy. Could be something casual but he could even wear them to church. They were in his size, good construction and fit. We had a winner.
Finally. 🙂
And Mom seems happy with the choice too. So, Oldest seems happy. Mom is happy. I got to have some time with my son. I got to teach him about a few things, and he seemed to catch on. So, there’s hope!
Almost titled this “Breakfast for dinner” but that would be my northerner coming through. 😉
Brigid reminisces about pancakes for dinner. I’m not much of a pancake fan, but I know what she’s talking about. Sometimes we have breakfast for supper. It’s simple, it’s good for you, and yes… the best part is everyone at home, eating together, talking and laughing around the table. Oh, and yes… bacon. How can you go wrong with bacon?
Being at home as much as I am, most of the meals I eat tend to be with the family. I know that’s not a common thing these days, which is a bit sad to hear. All to often it’s scarfing down McDonald’s in the back of the SUV on the way to soccer practice or whatever activity there is tonight. I never was into running around like that. To me, that’s not quality of life. And that’s a nice thing about breakfast for supper: it can be pretty quick to whip up, so if you are tight on time, you can still have a good meal and a good time together.
Try it some time. Try it tonight.
Getting in the car with the children. It’s dark. They struggle to put their seat belts on in the dark. “Dad, wait… I don’t have my seat belt on… I can’t see the thing the buckle goes into!” My response? “Feel for it.”
I’ve been teaching my kids the importance of doing things by feel. You don’t always need to use your eyes, as you can accomplish many things by just feeling. In fact, sometimes it’s better to use your sense of touch, leaving your sense of sight to perform other duties.
For instance, the reason I opted to write this blog entry is because I was just doing dry-fire practice with my handgun. I was working on malfunction drills and reloads. Everything I did, I was doing by feel. Why? Because I’m practicing on keeping my eyes on the threat. I can’t use any other sense to mind the threat (maybe hearing) so I really want my eyes to be focused on that task. If I have to avert my eyes and focus to the malfunction/reload process for even a second, that takes my eyes off the threat and who knows what they might do the moment my eyes are averted. Thus I need to use my sense of touch to manage the reloading. Sure, there’s a small bit of peripheral vision being used for the reload, but for the most part, it’s touch. In fact, you can get to a point where you could do a reload with your eyes closed, because our body does like to naturally bring its hand together.
This also raises the importance of index: that something is placed in a manner that naturally aids your ability to find and complete a sequence of actions. and in this case, by sense of touch. For example, my reload magazine is positioned with the tip of the top bullet “facing front” so when my left hand grabs the magazine the tip of my index (!) finger is on the point of the bullet, which ensures the magazine is naturally aligned for the reload (no flipping the magazine around in my hand), and my hands and fingers all naturally come together and go to the magazine well at the bottom of the gun for a fast reload. It may be difficult to see in the picture to the left, but it’s there. You’re able to keep you gun’s muzzle between you and the threat, your eyes are up there on the threat, so the gun is in your peripheral vision, you feel for the magazine release with your right/shooting hand, drop the empty or problematic magazine to the ground, meantime your left/other hand is going for the fresh magazine, magazine grabbed and properly indexed, eyes still on the target, magazine brought up and seated, left/other hand racks the slide (no, you don’t use the slide lock as a slide release), and off you go. A bit of vision involved, but it’s all mostly feel, aided by proper indexing.
Another illustration of indexing is if you wear a folding knife clipped inside your pants pocket. Where do you want the knife to be? You want it as far back, as close to the “end” of the pocket as possible. Why? This is a known, established spot. You can hook your thumb anywhere inside the pocket, slide it towards the back of the pocket, and you’ll find the knife. If the knife was clipped anywhere else in the pocket, you slam your thumb into the pocket and then what? Where is the knife relative to your thumb? Do you know? Can you know? Is the time spent finding the knife time well-spent, or precious time wasted? Again, this is indexing. You can place your thumb in the pocket at any point, slide to the rear, and allow yourself to index to that spot where the knife is and off you go. The need for a knife doesn’t always involve the luxury of seeing where your knife is or even an ability to use two hands. And this isn’t just defensive use of a knife. Just mundane things like cutting open a box can go faster and smoother if you can keep your eyes on the task and let your sense of touch, with indexing, help you acquire your tools.
If you’re not using to using your sense of touch, if you’re not used to indexing, take the time to learn. Yes it’s a little uncomfortable to give up reliance upon your eyes, but if you force yourself to do it and allow yourself to go slow and learn and get better with consistent practice, AND if you allow yourself to trust your other senses, you’ll eventually get quite fluent. Being able to spin off other tasks like this to secondary threads (yeah, got my programmer-speak going here) can be a huge help towards more efficient processing and accomplishment of tasks.
Updated: Karl Rehn, wrote me a response to this correcting some stuff. I’m happy to be corrected, and let me share with you what Karl wrote. The words are Karl’s, I just retyped for formatting.
>> Because I’m practicing on keeping my eyes on the threat.
Danger Will Robinson. I have seen more people go down this wrong road with regard to reloads.
Learn to do the reload with the gun held up at nipple level, and look as little as necessary — but nobody that is good at reloading the pistol does it purely by “feel”.
Google “Travis Tomasie reload” and watch the video of his reload, which is the fastest ever recorded. He looks at the gun just enough.
It’s a risk analysis problem. The risk of blowing the reload (empty gun, mag on the ground, lost time) is very high. The risk of getting shot because you took an extra 0.1 sec to look at the mag being seated is not going to be decreased by not looking. Why? Because you are only reloading for one of two reasons: (1) You believe there is a lull in the fight that provides you sufficient time to replace a partially spent mag with a full one. If this is the case you don’t believe you are about to shoot, thus you have to look. (2) Your gun is not capable of shooting because it’s out of ammo or has malfunctioned. In this case you are defenseless until you get the mag in the gun, and what’s critical to you in that situation is time, not awareness. If the gun isn’t shootable and a threat pops up, there is nothing you can do about it until you get the gun loaded. You should already be using the best cover available so it’s not like you are going to stop loading and duck behind cover, since you should have ducked behind cover first before starting to reload.
Looking back at what I wrote, I did give too much impression of doing things totally by feel and involving the eyes as little as possible. My mistake. I am using my eyes, but I will admit I was trying to use them as little as possible so that my eyes were being focused elsewhere. But Karl is right. Depending on the situation your focus ought to shift to the reload itself so that you can ensure a successful reload, or the problem is big enough (e.g. malfunction) it will be what requires your focus and attention. The shift of focus may be quick (that 0.1 seconds to ensure the mag is seated), but still there’s a shift.
Thank you, Karl.
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