I need to vent. I normally don’t post other things on Sundays, but I had to get this off my chest.
Today Youngest had his first piano recital. He did just fine, and I’m more proud of him for learning to deal with nervousness and performing under pressure than for the music itself (tho that’s still cool). The music school once again demonstrated they are a fine group of folks that run a good ship and care about their students. My beef isn’t with them.
It’s with the audience.
Or more specifically… the parents.
I was floored at the number of parents that left as soon as their child finished playing. By the time the recital was over, I looked back and saw the room was almost empty. That was sad and terrible. The students performing at the end of the recital deserved just as much respect and audience for their hard work and performance as did YOUR child at the start of the recital.
But no.
You came for your child, and didn’t care about anyone else. Oh sure, I wouldn’t have been there either if my child wasn’t performing, but my child wasn’t the only child performing. You could see on every child’s face, some more than others, how nervous they were. But you didn’t care. You didn’t think how the sight of you getting up and walking out as they started performing would impact the child. You didn’t think that sitting there and texting or Facebooking would matter… when instead showing these nervous children a smiling and supportive face could mean all the world to them. You didn’t think that as you stood in the lobby area, how loud your voices were and how much it disturbed, interrupted, and distracted the performing child.
No… you didn’t care. Your rudeness never occurred to you.
I came so close to jumping out of my seat and storming into the lobby area and scolding these inconsiderate individuals for their behavior. But I didn’t. First, if I did, they wouldn’t accept it; they’d just get defensive and consider me the rude asshole (can’t see past the log in their own eye). Second, if I got up, I knew the child performing would have no idea why I was getting up — I’d just be another adult getting up and leaving. I was not going to do that to any child.
After the recital was over, I expressed my disappointment to one of the school’s owners, and she agreed that it was rude (and said she’s going to change recital policy to say if you come, you stay, else don’t bother signing up at all… and I hope she does, and I hope she enforces it). She told me she asked some of them why they were leaving and they gave excuses like “it’s Christmas… we’re busy”. Busy? You’re too busy for a 2 hour recital? You’re too busy to give something of yourself to others? You’re too busy to be polite and considerate of others? And don’t even give me this “it’s Christmas” line, because the level of selfishness you displayed shows me you know fuck-all about what Christmas is about.
But, there’s always a teachable moment.
Before we left, I took my family aside and spoke with the Kiddos. We talked about what happened, and they agreed it was rude and they felt terrible for the kids performing. Even Youngest commented how he felt a little awkward that as he walked in to start, he saw all these people getting up and leaving. Kiddos also said how wonderful it was for them to have stayed. They saw many great performances, had many smiles and joyful moments, and just saw some really talented people perform. So they got to see something few did — and that was a precious thing. Others could have seen it too, but they chose not to. Maybe they had a legit reason, but they still didn’t have to be rude about it. So at least my Kiddos got to learn and grow in some unexpectedly welcome ways.
But the best part was Youngest… who can’t wait for the Spring recital and perform again. 🙂 Hopefully the parents will be better behaved by then.
Stuff From Hsoi 
Oh how right your are! As parents, we are the molds for our children’s habits. They learn to be polite, honest, humble, charitable, clean and in most cases, orderly. I hope the next recital will be a more respectful audience!
Thank you. I do too, and I’ll do my part to help make it so.
yet another post that earns my respect. Kudos to you for being a great father and even better, a great role model not just for your own children, but for those of the people too selfish to stick around, and the people that couldnt find it in their hectic schedules to sit through the whole event. I posted a long rant on my facebook yesterday and this makes me think i need to add to it.. America has been overcome by a culture of violence, and thanks to this blog post, i now see that it is not just a culture of violence, but a culture lacking the human decency to show others the same respect that you expect them to show you.. I’d be willing to bet money that if any of the parents that walked out while someone else’s child began their performance would have been the parents of one of the last few children to take the stage that they would have been absolutely livid with all of the adults that left before seeing their child take the stage.. as you said though, calling them out on that directly would make you the bad guy because they cant see past the log in their own eye..
sorry you had to deal with this, and even more sorry that your kiddo had to wonder why people were getting up and leaving when they were starting their part of the show. Thank you for at least being strong evidence that helps me believe there is hope for the human race. People like the ones you describe really make me wonder.
-Jon Morris
I think you may be on to something – lacking decency. This is why in the wake of recent national events, I’m not calling for an addressing of symptoms like gun control or mental health improvements (tho certainly if we wish to talk about those, that’s fine). I think these are all symptoms of far deeper problems that we’re experiencing as a culture and society, and if we work to dig down and address root causes, then well… the rest of the tree will bear the proper fruit. If we just keep spraying the fruit with bug killers and fungicides, the roots still rot and the tree will still die.
Thanx for your support and kind words.
i have to agree that the problem is the roots of the tree we call society are damaged and dying. this tree will never recover without a massive effort to rebuild it.. but it goes farther than just decency.. it is also about fear and power.. because of the lack of decency, the lack of respect for our fellow man, people fall into a pattern of being afraid of the things they encounter in life that they either dont understand, couldnt imagine choosing for their own life, or things they have tried and found not to work for themselves.. this causes them to become afraid and to manage their fear, they look inward and find some form of power they can exert over the things they are afraid of.. this appiys to guns, gay marriage, racism you name it. But it can all be overcome if we can find a way to motivate people that become afraid of something to stop trying to rid their lives of it and instead seek an understanding of the things that scare them.
I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter. 😉
i dont have a newsletter, but you are more than welcome to friend me on facebook http://www.facebook.com/doombuggie will take you there. oh and thank you for making my week, nothing like having someone you look up to as a sort of role model approving of your viewpoints 🙂 although i guess it does seem like we have a lot of viewpoints in common from what i have read! thank you sir!
Well, you’re certainly on to something… and heck, if you’ve got friends like Rog and Schnookiemuffin, you’re in good company.
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