As Daughter progresses in her drumming, she gets exposed to more bands, more dummers.
And more opportunities to talk to her about drug and alcohol abuse.
John Bonham? Don’t be like him.
Steven Adler? Don’t be like him (still alive, but still…).
Jeff Porcaro? Don’t be like him.
John Panozzo? Don’t be like him.
Keith Moon? Don’t be like him.
Jimmy Sullivan? Don’t be like him.
Stuart Cable? Don’t be like him.
Sure, play drums like these guys — especially Bonham — but that’s where you should stop emulating them.
She gets it. I hope she will never forget it.
Stuff From Hsoi 
Hsoi,
Great post and I’m glad she has an engaged parent to discuss those things with.
Lots of different things on my mind lately – about my kids and a book I’ve just finished reading. In it (The Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley) it talks about how people live up to the role they are assigned.
I did this often with my kids as they were growing up. It wasn’t just the negative (don’t be like….) — I think that is a vital part of teaching but it was also giving them a positive model to be like.
The book reinforces something that I new; it is easier and better to show a model of what *should* be done then just leave an open ended negative. I’m sure you are providing those examples; both in the form of your wife and yourself and in drummers who have done the right things.
I don’t like bullshit. I don’t like being bullshitted, I don’t bullshit people, I don’t have time for it, and I think it causes more harm than good in the world. And of all people, I’m not going to bullshit my kids. Why do people do drugs? Because they make you feel good! Most people don’t do things that cause them pain… drugs, alcohol, all done because you feel good. But then, you start to realize that it doesn’t make you feel good… but all too often, we then can’t stop. There’s the dangerous part. And of course, some of these can flat out kill you (e.g. heroin). And so, I just talk straight with my kids…no “just say no”, because that’s bullshit. Give them the honest facts, because if you don’t, they will eventually find out… and if you bullshitted them, they’ll figure that out, and breeching trust is about the worst thing you can do, because ultimately it’s all you can have in your kids, and them in you.
And you are right. It is about who to BE like. I wrote as I did merely for some artistic fun in the post. But it’s very true that you must tell them what TO DO. For example, kids go running somewhere they shouldn’t be running (e.g. around the swimming pool). I never liked people that would yell “don’t run!” because that doesn’t convey what they want, which is to get the kid to walk. If a kid starts walking, great. But there’s always a kid that has fun and starts to skip or hop or something else, which is technically correct because of all the things they COULD do they at least are doing what you asked: not running. But they chose something else from all possible remaining choices and well… in this case it was harmless, tho the parent probably gets annoyed at the kid for not doing what they wanted them to do (but how could the kid have known since it wasn’t clearly communicated). The parent should clearly communiate what they want, which is “walk!” Of course, sometimes phrasing in the negative is correct: “don’t touch that hot stove!” because what I want is for them to not touch that hot stove. It’s about conveying what you want.
And so yes, we do provide examples of what TO do. Like Hannah Ford.
http://www.hannahforddrums.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvdiJYGf2JU
🙂
Hsoi,
I hope you don’t think I was being negative toward you telling your kids about drugs; the effects, reasons,etc. I did not mean that and hope I didn’t imply it.
I agree that it is important to be straight with kids about things like that.
Nope, none taken at all! We’re on the same page. 🙂
Great advice friend. Much better than having to explain later that life is like algebra and that two negatives will never become a positive.