What a week.
Michael Jackson
Farrah Fawcett
Ed McMahon
But wait, there’s more…. TV pitchman Billy Mays.
Man. What a crazy week.
Life
Your early Father’s Day moment…
The Pulse of Radio reports: Alice Cooper has made a career out of being scary on stage, but he’s also experienced a moment or two of fear as a father. Alice, who has three grown children, reminisced to The Pulse of Radio about the time he caught his then-teenage daughter, Calico, in her bedroom with a boy. “And there’s this really good-looking guy sitting on her bed and she’s taking a shower,” he said. “I look at the guy and he knows that I’m gonna… and he goes ‘Oh hello Mr. Cooper! Cali and I were just trying on clothes.’ And I went ‘either this guy is really good or he’s really gay. I hope that you’re really gay because if you’re that quick in order to become gay, getting caught in my daughter’s bedroom’ and Calico looked at me and she says ‘no, we were trying on dresses.’ And he was gay and it was a relief to me!”
Ah, the things one has to look forward to when your daughter becomes a teenager. 🙂
I figure when the day comes that Daugther starts dating and some boy comes to pick her up, my conversation with the boy will be simple:
You make her smile, you make me smile.
You make her cry, I make you cry.
🙂
Quote of the day
Make your choices. Do not whine and snivel if they become problematic.
– Skip Gochenour
Don’t fear the sun
Linoge made a comment on my posting “I’m not so sure about that“. As I wrote a reply I realized that what I had to say warranted a full-on blog posting. So here it is.
Wife and I have chosen to homeschool our kids. Why? Numerous reasons, but the key ones are the public school system sucks and we’re not rolling in enough dough to consider private school. I went to public schools all my life, Wife was in private Catholic schools. While I think my public school experience wasn’t too bad, I have heard from old friends with younger siblings how the same top-notch schools we went to have degraded. Due to things like “No Child Left Behind” concerns are less on true education and more on test scores. I know all too well how you can get an “A” on a test and walk out of the classroom knowing nothing (no cheating involved, it’s just about working/gaming the test and not on gaining true education and knowledge). So when Oldest was an infant and we started to think about our schooling choices, homeschooling wasn’t something we had ever thought about but the more we researched the option the more it appealed to us. Every year we reevaluate our options and approach because the bottom line is we want the best for our children and if situations change and there’s a better avenue, we’ll take it. So far no better avenue has surfaced and we continue to homeschool our children.
Of course, whenever you mention the word “homeschooling” to someone, the Pavlovian response is “But what about socialization?”. The “S” word. Socialization takes on a different meaning these days and frankly that’s socialization we can do without. And certainly homeschoolers can be a little bitter about the FAQs we’re constantly hit with. But if there is one thing I’m well aware of it is that my children can be sheltered due to homeschooling. Since they are not surrounded by those of their age group for 8 hours a day every day, there’s no question my children don’t receive the “socialization” that kids attending public or private school receive. In part that is one reason for homeschooling, because we can exert more control and influence over our children, who they are exposed to, what influences them. Remember that not all influences are good ones, and even with our controls our kids still get exposed to bad ones (Oldest had a bully situation at a summer camp last year). But I know that my job with my children is to provide them with the skills and knowledge that enables them to not just survive but thrive in the world. My children are only spending a short time with me; most of their life and time is going to be spent as an adult in the real world, so they need to know how to work with the real world — which includes knowing how the real world is, good and bad and ugly. To truly shelter my children is not doing them any sort of service.
I admit that you shouldn’t expose your children to all things, or at least that you have to be mindful of when and how to expose them. There is something about making things age-appropriate and ensuring the child has the maturity and capability to understand and handle what you’re doing. Let’s take guns as an example. There’s not much reason to introduce an infant to guns, but as soon as infant is able to be mobile (about 6 months, crawling stage), you as a responsible parent and gun owner must take steps to secure your firearms because that infant will get into everything and knows nothing and no amount of attempting to teach them about guns is going to help. As your child gets older and can understand what guns are about, even if they cannot fathom death, it can be reasonable to start to introduce things to them. For instance, if you’re watching cartoons and Bugs Bunny puts his carrot into the muzzle-end of Elmer Fudd’s shotgun and Elmer just gets a blackened face, it’s worthwhile to start explaining to your child the difference between fantasy and reality. Then when you think your child is able to handle more regarding guns, you can expose them as you wish. Look at Kathy Jackson’s articles on Kids and Guns for some excellent writings on the topic. If nothing else, and certainly when kids are at a younger age, you should introduce them to Eddie Eagle. His message of “Stop. Don’t touch. Leave the area. Tell an adult.” teaches nothing about gun handling, but a lot about keeping kids safe if they encounter a gun.
Do my children know about guns? Certainly. I make guns no mystery to them, and frankly this has caused them to think of guns as rather mundane with little appeal. I think that’s a good thing as there’s no forbidden fruit syndrome to make guns enticing. Do I care about teaching them defensive uses of firearms? No, not at this point. Right now I just teach them safety rules, marksmanship, fundamentals, and most of all to just have fun. Sometimes if something comes up, sure I’ll discuss it, but it’s not hypercritical at this point to give them intensive defensive handgunning 101. But basic ways to stay safe? Sure. Things like the InSights ABC’s (Always Be Cool). To be aware of surroundings and trust your gut. And certainly other more specific things get taught, just not some intensive course like I might enjoy taking. The reality is that shit happens, and if the shit happens to my kids I want to ensure they’re able to return home. The thought of not being able to hold and hug my child is most unappealing to me, and it’s my duty and responsibility as a parent to ensure they have every skill and bit of knowledge possible to ensure their success in life.
I don’t live my life in fear, and I do my best to encourage my children to do the same. Yes they have fears, but I teach them true ways of being empowered to conquer those fears. Allow and accept the fears to happen, face them, let them pass over and through you, learn to control them, and channel them to your advantage. I remember when my kids first climbed a ladder and they’d only go up a few steps, but then the day came when they climbed to the top and gleefully shouted “Dad look! I did it!” Small thing perhaps, but the lesson is they were afraid of the height, of the new experience, but they didn’t let the fear stop them and in the end they conquered their fear. This has enabled Oldest to enjoy having the upper bunk-bed; how life is better when you don’t live in fear, eh?
You only have so much time and so much energy in life, why expend it on fear? How much life can you enjoy? Fear is what leads to sheltering, and while I won’t say it’s not justified, if you’re always stuck in the shelter you never get to see the sun and all the beauty that comes from it.
I’m not so sure about that
Via Robb Allen I learn about Rebecca and her feelings on guns.
I won’t be harsh here, just wish to provide some perspective.
First, I applaud her for being up front and honest about her feelings. It’s evident she’s got some fear regarding guns, and given how she describes the city in which she lives (including her husband being the victim of a carjacking), I can certainly understand how and why she’s formed the opinion she has. What I wish to provide her with is some perspective on her feelings.
Many of [my son] Archer’s friends at school carry X-Men lunchboxes, wear Spiderman shoes, Batman T-shirts. Archer doesn’t know who Spiderman is. Or Superman. Or Wolverine. Or any comic book superheroes. The only television he sees is peaceful. I turn the television off when there’s a preview for a show that involves violence of any kind.
Recently I’ve been wondering if this constitutes as sheltering.
Oh my God, am I sheltering him?
Am I?
Since you asked, yes you are (and this is coming from a homeschooling father — supposedly us homeschoolers are all about sheltering and overprotectiveness). Now, this isn’t to say you have to participate in what you consider violent activities. But the reality is the violence is around us; the world is violent, always has been and at least in our lifetimes will continue to be so. To shelter your child now is going to cause him to have an unrealistic perspective on the state of the real world. That isn’t to say you cannot shape your child’s understanding and response to violence, and this isn’t to say you cannot make his exposure to the world age-appropriate, just don’t deny to your child that violence is out there. As parents we need to give our children the tools they need to survive and thrive in the world, which includes giving them the knowledge of how the world really is and how to better deal with it.
Consider the analogy of the sheep, the wolf, and the sheepdog. Teach your child to be a sheepdog.
…yet when it comes to guns, to violence, I can’t do it. I can’t talk about guns or weapons without feeling sick and sad, even fearful.
So goes my paradox: I’m afraid that by educating my child I will scare him. I will scare myself.
Your honesty is refreshing and actually takes some courage to admit. In this context of guns, consider looking at something like Eddie Eagle. Eddie Eagle is a friendly and fun way to get a serious message across, a message I believe is bare minimum knowledge required to keep children safe regarding firearms (the alternative is ignorance, and that’s certainly a recipe for disaster). The Eddie Eagle video can be viewed for free online, so take a few minutes and check it out yourself.
Using gun as defense seldom works to defend. Guns used as offensive weapons? Different story.
It’s interesting to note that the two blog postings I made this morning prior to this one, here and here, were both stories where a gun was used to defend. There are many many others every day.
Do I carry a gun in my house? Never. Do I believe in the right to bear arms? Yes. But I believe there should be stricter regulations. I believe that fear is the worst possible reason to carry a weapon and therefor will never understand why so many feel the need to “protect their families,” especially when housed in gated communities in middle-class suburbs, alarms activated.
No gun in the house? Well, Midnight Rider was happy he was carrying his inside his home. And if you don’t understand why, why not make the effort to learn why some of us carry. Rebecca, I used to be in the exact same boat as you — that’s why your story really hits home with me, because I know exactly where you are coming from. I realized it was a fanstay world, full of my idealistic view of the world and how I wanted it to be and thought it should be, instead of how it is. That isn’t to say I’ve given up on the dreams of such an ideal world, but I do better if I first accept the reality of the world that I want to improve.
Guns are far more likely to kill innocent people than criminals when kept inside the home. Period.
No, sorry. The data doesn’t back that up.
That being said, am I being naive to think I can shelter my son from fear by keeping violence away from his eyes? Perhaps. Is it important to teach gun safety to people of all ages? Yes. Will I be teaching my child how to properly use a weapon? No. Because I don’t believe he should know how to kill.
Does your child know how to push something? Then he knows how to kill. Push someone out into traffic. Push someone out of a tree. Push someone off a ledge or out a window. He knows how to kill. The difference is putting things into context. You teach your child to use pushing for good things: pushing his sibling on the swing, pushing and holding the door open for others, pushing a broom to help mommy clean up. When your child uses things for good, you reward that good; when the child uses things for bad, you punish that behavior. Guns can be used for bad things, no question, but we don’t punish the gun (it’s just plastic and steel, springs and levers) we punish the person. Guns can also be used for good things, and it doesn’t have to involve killing… it could involve preserving his and your life.
To keep a handgun in one’s house insinuates, in my opinion, a certain amount of fear, which is why guns are so scary.
If you ever have a desire to conquer your fears instead of letting them control your life, I am a teacher and would be happy to teach you what I know.
There will never be a happily ever after story involving guns because guns were invented with the sole intent to take life.
Ask Mr. Firby. I’m sure he’s happy. His gun helped him preserve his life.
For me, it all comes down to fear and teaching our children to resist it as much as they possibly can. I will be educating my children to live peaceful lives. To love and respect and stand up for themselves in ways that are empowering.
That’s commendable and I teach my children the same. I will say I used to think violence was never an answer. Now I know that sometimes violence is the only answer. I prefer to make it the last resort, but when some punk is willing to take your life for $5, all the pretty empowering words one wishes to use just won’t matter.
Put it this way. Your child picks up a stick and whacks someone with it. Chances are you’ll punish your child for doing so, and that’s most reasonable. Now let’s say you’re on the playground. Some big kid comes up and starts to push your child around. Your child asks the big kid to stop and leave him alone. The big kid keeps pushing. Your child escalates, continuing to be diplomatic, the big kid doesn’t stop either but escalates. So your child escalates, begging, pleading, and so on, but it just eggs the bully on. Your child tries to run away, but the kid is bigger and has no problem catching him. Now your child is getting messed up pretty bad, the big kid’s pushing, taunting, punching, and kicking is really taking a toll, so your child picks up a stick and whacks the bully something fierce and the bully stops his assault. Are you going to punish your child for defending himself, and using an inanimate object to do so? Furthermore consider that once a bully knows your child can easily be victimized, the bully will continue to do so (bullies, like most criminals, like easy targets). Once the bully knows he can’t mess with your child, your child will be bullied no more.
Again, Rebecca, I do understand where you are coming from, more than you know. I just had to give up that way of being because I realized it wasn’t realistic and I wasn’t doing a service to my children to raise them that way.
Learn to be still
While a “newer” song by The Eagles (tho what now, 15 years old?), I always thought the lyrics to “Learn To Be Still” were spot-on good advice:
If the flowers in your garden don’t smell so sweet, maybe you have forgotten the heaven lying at your feet.
Learn to be still.
Hooray beer!
So apparently beer is better at rehydrating you than just plain water.
Professor Manuel Garzon, a member of Granada’s medical faculty, made the finding after tests on 25 students over several months. Researchers believe that it is the sugars, salts, and bubbles in a beer that may help people absorb fluids more quickly.
[…]
Garzon said that the rehydration effection in those who were given [two half pints of Spanish lager] was “slightly better” than those who were given only water. He also believes that the carbon dioxide in beer helps quench thirst more quickly, and that beer’s carbohydrates replace calories lost during physical exertion.
[…]
Based on the results of the study, researchers recommend moderate consumption of beer as a part of athletes’ diets. “Moderate consumption” for men is 500ml per day, and for women is 250ml per day.
Make some sense, but let’s not forget that alcohol is a diuretic; plus there’s that whole drunkenness thing. 🙂 So… non-alcoholic beer better for you post-workout? I see the line forming for future studies. 😀
Personally I’ll stick with water during my workouts, but I do like to have a glass of milk post-workout for the same basic reasons as the beer: it will rehydrate, there’s some sugars, and the milk has some protein; all good things to ingest post-workout. Heck, my old dojang was across from a McDonald’s. If after a couple hours of working out I was rather drained I’d sometimes pull through the drive-thru for a small french fries as the potassium in the potatoes, the salt on them, and the simple starches within were all good as a post-workout recharge. Maybe not part of some Olympic-athlete-level diet, but it works for me.
Frankly I think life is good if you enjoy a little of everything now and again — nothing in excess.
Need a new A/C
*sigh*
I have 2 central A/C units on my house, one for the upstairs one for the downstairs. It was evident something was wrong with the upstairs A/C unit because things weren’t very cool and were rather humid. Had an HVAC guy out today. Put in 2 pounds of R-22 and detected a leak in the evap coil. *sigh* It’ll probably cost me $1500 or so to replace the coil (parts and labor). But the real kicker is that these types of systems are about to be phased out due to the Clean Air Act of 1990. Need to get a Puron-based system.
So… that’s the thing. Do I save some money now and gamble for later? Or do I just dive in now and replace the whole system?
I really don’t want to spend a ton of money right now, but I just know that in the long run this system has to be replaced anyway. It comes down to whose problem will it be. If the system lasts long enough then I sell the house, not my problem BUT could it become a sticking point on house sale? On that note, having a new system could help with the house sale down the line (one less cost for the buyer).
Some months ago a circuit board had to be replaced on that same unit (ignition problems with the gas heater). So it feels to me like the system is on the way out. It feels like I should just bite the bullet and buy a new system.
*sigh* That’s a lot of money I didn’t want to spend.
So to that end, if any reader has advice on buying a home central heating/cooling setup, please share in the comments. I’ve never had to buy one of these before and I want to get the right system for my needs (want to learn how to determine that). Yes I want to spend as little as possible. 😉 But I do want to ensure quality and long-term cost savings.
Some points I’ve already picked up:
- City of Austin does have some rebates for installing new systems, so that should knock a few hundred off the price.
- There apparently is now a federal tax break that I can get for such things.
- A quick Google search turned up this forum and thread. Looks like a place to start research.
- The tech that was out said Bryant/Carrier are basically the same and are probably the best, especially since they’ve been doing the Puron systems longer than anyone. Second would probably be Lennox (if I remember correctly). Trane is good, but they only just started making Puron systems apparently.
- Tech suggested getting a 10 year P&L warranty. That doesn’t sound like a bad deal, depending what all is involved. I usually don’t go for such extended warranties (they’re usually money in their pocket and out of mine) but heck, when I look at what I spent 7 months already on this one unit, I spent more than the quoted P&L warranty price so….. yeah.
- I purchased Sears Master Protection Agreements on various major appliances I purchased there, and those paid for themselves if for nothing else in having Sears techs come out once a year for a service checkup.
Anyway, time to start reading. Please give me any suggestions you may have. I’m all ears.
Parenthood rambling
My old friend Matt has some rambling about parenthood. His kids just experienced some pretty crappy things here and here, and like any good Dad it really got to him.
He makes a good point, about being consistent:
The biggest piece of advice I can share about being a father is this. Be friends with your partner, always put up a united front, don’t contradict each other, and have a PLAN. So many problems are caused because Spouse 1 thinks B is okay, and Spouse 2 thinks they must be smoking crack because 1 should know that 2 doesn’t think that and so on and then the fight happens in front of the kids, etc.
I certainly agree that consistency is key. Kids like stability. While they may push the boundaries, they actually do prefer limits and bounds, and they only push because they are trying to find them. Once they find them, they may continue to push to try to see if that really is where the bounds are or maybe they just hit you on a particular day. This is where being consistent comes in. If you (and your spouse) are consistent in where the boundaries are drawn, eventually kiddo will learn where the line is and won’t cross it… at least for now. Yes they may try to push it again at some other time, especially as they are growing up and changing. As well, the boundaries have to change at some point because the bounds for a 2-year old are not the same as for a 12-year old; that gets to be particularly challenging when you’re raising a few kids spread apart in ages and the youngest sees how the oldest “gets away with more” and it’s just another bit of toughness, but you have to deal with it — they can’t be treated the same in all things in all ways.
I would, however, like to take it further than consistency. I mean, being consistently crappy isn’t that ideal either. Matt recounts:
I was at the store tonight and the guy behind me was just letting his 3-5 yr old son scream his bloody head off. And just smiled and shrugged his shoulders.
I recall one day at Chick-Fil-A. The entire restaurant got to meet “Alexandra”.
“Alexandra, stop running around.”
“Alexandra, you need to stop running around… come back here… Alexandra, you need to come back here now. Alexandra? Alexandra!”
“OK, if you don’t come back here and sit still you’re not going to get your toy. Did you hear me? Alexandra, Mommy said if you don’t come back here now you’re not getting your toy. I mean it.”
“OK, if you’re not going to behave we’re going to leave. Alexandra? I told you. OK, I’m going to count to three then we’re going to leave. One… Two…. Alexandra, if I get to three we’re going to leave. Alexandra… Three. OK, we’re leaving, good bye.”
“Alexandra, I told you that we were leaving. OK, thank you for agreeing to behave.”
About 5 seconds go by.
“Alexandra, you need to sit down. I told you….”
And it went on something like this for who knows how long. I am not remembering it verbatim, but that’s basically how it went on, and on, and on, with Mommy calling to Alexandra, threatening, threatening more, not following through with the threats, begging, pleading, and so on. I don’t fault the child, I fault the parent. Yes, this parent was consistent — consistently crappy — and that’s why I say pure consistency isn’t enough. What needs to also be there are firm boundaries. If you make a threat, you must follow through with it (so don’t make one unless you can and will follow-through). And dare I use the word, but you also need discipline; you read that right, YOU need discipline. If you have discipline, it will become imparted upon the child. Part of that discipline? Acting like the parent. You should not be begging and pleading with your child. If your child is acting like a little shit, you need to put them in their place immediately, not asking them to behave, you need to make them behave. I see way too much these days of parents asking and begging and pleading with children, which says the parent is not in control but rather the child is. That’s bass-ackwards folks. Be the parent, be the adult.
So Matt’s got a good point and consistency is key. I just take it a bit futher (and I think Matt would as well).
Temporary silence
Blogging has been light.
I’ve been busy.
Going on the hunt threw off the clockwork of the household so I’m trying to get back on track.
Upstairs A/C seems to be not cooling (it’s hot up here), so someone’s coming tomorrow to look at it.
Safari 4 is so much faster than Safari 3. I’m quite impressed.
Just got a bunch of little things to tend to, including some blog postings that I just haven’t had time for yet.
Hoping to remedy soon.
Thank you for hanging in there. 🙂
But in the meantime, I must say… smoked the hog backstraps on Sunday. Mmmm. And all day long I’ve been tending to a couple of the hams on the smoker. Should make for some good supper. Took the rest of the piggy parts to the local butcher to make into pan/breakfast sausage. Can’t wait for that.
Anyway, gotta tend to other business. I’ll be back.
Stuff From Hsoi 