There’s a lot about the HuffPo that doesn’t jive with me, but this article by Gretchen Rubin about 10 ways to be a more light-hearted parent is a pretty spot-on piece.

While I understand and agree with the point of #6, I would say it’s more important to phrase things in terms of what you want them to do. Sometimes negative phrasing might be the right way to phrase it. Still, Ms. Rubin’s point is generally solid. You can read this for further elaboration on what I mean.

Still, a pretty decent list.

Consensual living. When I first saw the headlines I thought it would be about something between adults, in this case an adult child still living at home with parents probably due to economic reasons but yet still living as an adult on their own (e.g. you may live here but you’re going to pay some rent, buy your own food, do your own laundry, etc.). 

How wrong I was.

Back in our early days of parenting, Wife and I bought into this new-agey parenting bullshit. Thankfully we realized the error of our ways and reverted to proven old school techniques. You know… where the parent is the parent, the child is the child. The parent is the one in control, the child obeys; if the child doesn’t obey, there are negative consequences but if the child does obey, there are positive consequences. The child and parent are not equals, as there is a hierarchy and the parent is on top. Parents are not to be friends to their children; they can and should be friendly, but they need to be something far more to the child — their parent!

I will say, there’s some worth to the new age bullshit. For instance, I was raised fairly old school, and I never appreciated that some edict would be handled down and I wouldn’t be told why. I was told this was the way it was and not to question it. I hated that. I wanted to know why, I questioned to know why, not because I was questioning the authority (as it was assumed) but because I was seeking to understand. If I can understand, then I can better extrapolate that knowledge and the reasoning behind it to other situations, which better serves me in life. So I am willing to explain to my children, not just expect blind obedience (although sometimes that is required). If my children wish to question, I’ll answer. If they wish to object, that’s fine… it doesn’t guarantee they’ll get their way, but if they wish to present a well-reasoned argument I’m certainly willing to listen. But of course, this only applies to older children. A 3 year old just learned, maybe, to wipe is own butt, he doesn’t understand what where and why. If you ask why he did something the answer will likely be “I don’t know”… so if they admit they don’t know, how can you say they know best?  I’m not saying not to listen to your child, you certainly should, but remember that you are supposed to be the parent. You are supposed to be the one that guides them, that teaches them, and helps them learn how to be a functioning member of society. Sometimes you will have to make decisions for them and that’s final, because you as the parent ought to have more life experience and be able to better understand long-term consequences of actions.

But then… we have movements like this, which I guess shows that perhaps not everyone does understand the long-term consequences of actions. There’s some merit to this approach, as it seems to encourage communication and understanding. However, if you take it too far and let the child rule the roost, you’re only going to succeed in raising a spoiled, uncontrollable brat that is going to fail in life because the world will not cater to their whims like you are so willing to do.