Regular readers know — I hate squatting.

I don’t hate it so much these days, but it’s still #4 on my ranking of the 4 main lifts. Why do I keep doing it? Because I’m supposed to. I know I won’t get stronger, I won’t get better, and I’m generally a wuss, if I don’t squat.

I still have some deeper fears about squatting, ingrained from my youth. Injury of course, or just that I’ll get down in the hole and fail and won’t be able to get out of the hole. I guess to some extent, squatting intimidates me.

Some make it metaphorical, in terms of what squatting teaches you. That all this heavy weight can be on your shoulders, and it can press you down, it will press you down, it will hurt like hell and it will do all it can to keep you down in that hole. But you prove your mettle by pressing back up and getting out of that hole… and perhaps, doing it again, over and over, until you are stronger. Eventually the weight isn’t so heavy, and you’re able to handle more, to do more, and you are stronger and better for it. Yes it will be scary, yes you will have fear, but it’s up to you how you want to address it. And so, there’s physical, but also the metaphysical that comes from squatting heavy weights.

Recently I’ve found myself squatting heavier than I ever have. I will not lie — it scares me. I am closing in on squatting 300# as a work weight, and while on the one hand I’m really excited about breaking a barrier I’ve never broken before, I’m also afraid I’m going to hurt myself… or at least, that I won’t get back up. That I won’t be as strong as I want to be, and the weight will get me down. The weight will win. While I know to not let it, I cannot deny the little demon gnawing inside me does exist and eats at me. My challenge is to control him, my challenge is to beat him.

So while I’ve been squatting — especially since my current routine has me squatting a lot more (the 5×10 assistance work)… it’s caused me to have to find some extraordinary resolve within me to keep going. That I will not quit. That the only reason I stop is because my body truly gave out and couldn’t give any more. Not because I pussed out, not because I gave into that little demon. I do look at it purely physically, but I also look at it philosophically because I know if I can handle this, I can handle anything. That will be stronger physically, but also mentally — everything else in life is pretty easy by comparison. All I have to do is resolve to do it.

But just as I think I have it… I realize how far I have to go. Dave Tate, founder and CEO of EliteFTS.com write about where “ER” really comes from.

After reading that, while I’m working to improve myself… I can see how far I really have to go.

But perhaps now when I’m down in that hole I’ll remember to think:

“Chest Up.” “Chest Up.” “Head Up.” “Head Up.”

 and from that, I can find greater strength.