Matthew, over at Straight Forward in a Crooked World, has an entry titled “Failure to Comply.”
It’s a compelling read, and you’d do well to take a few minutes to read it, then a few minutes more to think about what he wrote.
There’s one thing he wrote that really caught my attention:
We are taught early on and reminded as adults constantly that violence is bad and that it never solves anything, and that no one wins in a fight. This is simply untrue. In fact it is horribly untrue. This is the result of political correctness infesting everything. It skews how we set and train our minds to win.
Violence does solve problems.
Reactive violence can and does routinely stop evil offensive violence. When you are left (regardless of your sex) on the ground and fighting to win to keep your life violence is the answer…and it is the only answer. And you should not apologize nor back peddle for that.
It made me think about my children and what I teach them.
When I started my parenting career, we opted to do the “no hitting” thing. There was no spanking, we taught Oldest not to hit, period. Basically, violence was completely frowned upon for any and every reason, in every context, every angle, you name it.
It didn’t take long before we abandoned that to a small part. Spanking came around. Why? Because you can’t reason with a 2 year old; they just don’t know enough about life to understand greater things. We didn’t and don’t beat our children, but all living things respond in a simple manner: seek pleasure, avoid pain. We saved a swat on the behind for those times when you really needed to enforce a negative consequence to some action. That is, spanking was not the general punishment; it was reserved for times when you needed to make a strong negative impression because there was no natural negative consequence of the action. For example, child runs into the street; that could warrant a swat on the behind because there’s no question there could be tragic consequences of that action — it must not happen again. However, the action itself has no natural negative consequence (apart from the undesirable of the child getting hit by a car), so you must impart a negative consequence so the child will not undertake that action again. The child must know that action leads to painful consequences so they will avoid partaking in actions that lead to pain. Political correctness compells me to say that we also are into positive reinforcement; frankly that garners a lot more compliance and a happier household. But sometimes, a spanking is the right and only answer. Heck, even my old college roommate just went through a little “my son got whacked” situation. He’s still of the “no spanking” camp, but there’s no question the little whack his son got straightened him up and made for a better long-term experience.
When I started getting serious about self-defense, martial arts study, firearms study, I realized that when our kids hit each other, to condemn them and lay down a rule of “no hitting, never” was not correct. Here I was studying all sorts of violent things because I know that sometimes violence is the answer, and now I’m telling my children never to use violence? That didn’t jive, and I had to correct myself.
I teach my children differently now. I teach my children that yes, sometimes violence is the answer, but you must know when that is. If your sibling took your toy or is being annoying, violence is not an appropriate response. If someone is attempting to harm you, abduct you, your sibling, your friends, your Mother… then yes, violence can be an answer. I do what I can to teach my children the proper contexts, to know how to respond in these contexts. I wish my children to live peaceful lives, and while I know the world has mostly good people, there are enough bad people out there that we have to take care and be prepared.
Some months back I posted about guns and church and reconciling Christian doctrine against violent activity. It doesn’t preach it, it doesn’t desire it, but even it acknowledges that sometimes yes, violence is the answer.
It’s not pretty to think about, and it’s far from politically correct. But where do you choose to live? In fantasy or reality?
Stuff From Hsoi 
Great post Hsoi. It reminds me of the lessons that my father taught me when I was young, concerning violence. I was taught at a young age to defend myself against violent action, with violence if necessary. I remember the words my father spoke, “Violence is usually not the answer to most things in life, but sometimes it is the right action and you have to take it. If you must, do it quickly and efficiently.”
This was after an incident in the schoolyard, where I had been soundly whipped, because I did not defend myself. Next time an incident occurred, I remember it vividly, the instigator was promptly laid out with a bloodied and broken nose (he was twice my size, but a 4 pound math book will do that to you). The principal of the school chewed my hide up and down. But when my father got there, he asked me what happened and upon finding out the story, I was not punished for my actions. And that’s how I learned, that violence is an action that like any action has a right and wrong time to use it.
I must admit… since posting this I’ve had a little concern about having voiced my opinion. I make no bones about my identity, and I know there are enough people out there that would be appalled at what I said and maybe want to send Child Protective Services after me. But I have a single response to those people:
What if you (your wife, your daughter, your sister, etc.) were being raped. What would you want your (her) response to be?
’nuff said.
Your Dad’s got it right… it’s usually not the answer and you should make efforts to avoid it because it’s an ugly option. But sometimes, it’s what you have to do.
And your story rings true. If you kept being a passive victim, you would have kept being bullied, you would have kept being beat up (at least until the bully got bored and/or found someone more fun to pick on). You had to stand up for yourself, and unfortunately the only language the bully understands is getting popped in the nose. Most people can be reasoned with, but some require a different course of action.