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Convey to the person what you want them to do

/ hsoi / 2 Comments

I previously wrote an article on how “mindset is everything” and in there discuss the importance of conveying to the person what you want them to do. If you haven’t read that article, you should read it before continuing with this article. It’s brief, go read it. I’ll be here when you’re done and return. 🙂

An interesting report from Force Science News. The relevance here is to the issuance of commands, as I mention in my “mindset is everything” article, to convey to the person what you want them to do. The article discusses a study of how police give commands under stress and how the type of command affects compliance. It mentions two sorts of commands: alpha, and beta. 

“Alpha commands,” Lewinski explains, “are simple, direct and explicit, so that even someone in a chemically or emotionally induced fog is likely to understand them.” Examples: “Take your hands out of your pocket,” “Stop talking,” “Quit resisting,” “Don’t leave your vehicle.”

… “[Beta commands] are indirect or imprecise orders that require interpretation by the suspect, based on his or her inference of what the officer intends,” Lewinski says. Examples: “Move,” “Give it up,” “Don’t be stupid,” “Stop screwing around,” “Knock it off,” “Don’t make me kill you.”

In other words, officers in day-to-day interactions generally gave very clear commands about what they wanted, and for the most part they gained compliance. But when they felt themselves threatened, this direct precision tended to be abandoned quickly. While they may have started out issuing alpha commands, in the face of resistance and personal danger they overwhelmingly transitioned to vaguer, less direct beta commands and, in general, gained markedly less compliance.

…

Based on his work with autistic children and others who show resistance in classrooms, he knows that “beta commands are very ineffective and inefficient. They leave people guessing.” When teachers switch from beta to alpha commands, they experience greater compliance even from mentally and emotionally disabled students, Houlihan says. “With the change, you almost immediately see better teachers and better kids.”

He cites an incident from the law enforcement studies in which an officer was in a stand-off with a suspect who was gripping a knife. “The officer told him 5 times, ‘Don’t make me kill you’ before he finally did shoot the suspect. A terrible command! He might have thought he was conveying an order to put down the knife, but that’s not what he said. It was left up to the suspect to interpret what the officer meant and what action was expected. In effect, the suspect was put in the position of having to control the officer’s behavior.

It doesn’t matter the context: police work, self-defense, dealing with your kids, ordering food at a restaurant, talking with your boss or subordinates, whatever. If you wish to increase the level of success regarding compliance with your requests, clearly convey to the person what you want them to do.

Mindset is everything

/ hsoi / 5 Comments

After assisting with classes one day, I was reviewing how the classes went and I recalled one moment I had with a student that I thought was worth sharing.

This student had a particular way of doing something, and the class taught him a better way to do that thing. The student was getting frustrated with himself because he kept falling back into habit instead of utilizing the new, better technique. I told him not to focus on the frustration, on the old technique, but instead to focus on the new technique. To me, it’s a matter of mindset and how that will affect your performance.

Having 3 children and spending a lot of time around and working with kids, I’ve learned that if you want someone to do something in particular, the best way to get them to do it is to tell them exactly what you want them to do. I know that sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how much we don’t it. For instance, let’s say the child is running and instead you want them to walk. What I hear most people say to the child is “DON’T RUN!”. This doesn’t work. There’s an infinite number of things the child could do. By saying “don’t run” you’ve now narrowed down this infinite list by one thing. The child still needs something to do, they will now pick from this “infinity minus one” list of things to do, and statistics will favor the child still not doing what you want. So, if what you want the child to do is walk, then just say “WALK!”. The key is to convey to the person what you want them to do. This isn’t as simple as positive vs. negative phrasing; in fact, they’re orthogonal concepts. For example, “don’t touch the stove” (it’s hot), or “don’t go in there” (something dangerous is in there). Those are negatively phrased, but they are stating exactly what you want the person to do. Yes, you’ll mostly use positive phrasing in this conveyance, but the important thing is to convey what you want them to do.

Getting back to class then, that student was getting onto himself about not doing his old habit. All he kept focusing on was not doing his old habit. So what do you think he did? His old habit. Why? Because his mindset was focused on the old habit. Sure it was also “don’t do that”, but the thing was he wasn’t telling himself what he should do. So once I got him focused on “do the new technique” instead of “don’t do the old habit”, everything changed. His brain was focused on “new technique”, and sure enough, by the end of the day I was only seeing him using the new technique. Good deal!

Going with the gun thing, I hear the stories about people getting shot. I hear about people that got shot multiple times with big guns and managed to live to tell the tale. Then I hear the stories about people that got shot once with a pea shooter in some non-fatal way and fall over and die. Usually the moral of the story is the same: the people that died made up their minds to die… their mindset was “you get shot, you die” and so they gave up; the people that lived made up their minds to live… there was no other option, they were going to live all other things be damned. 

If you focus on failure, that’s that’s you’re going to do — fail. If you want success, focus on success. Focus on what to do that will lead to success. Your mindset is your first step in whatever direction you choose to go.

Updated: An article/study lending support.

Updated 2: Further support.

Weird ending to the Apple Shareholders Meeting

/ hsoi

I’ve been using Apple computers since I was a kid, so I’ve a bit of a soft spot for the company. I just read about their shareholder meeting and the interesting ending to the meeting.

Ah, the Parent’s Television Council. Y’know, I don’t necessarily have fault with what they do because they’ve got every right to do so — they’re welcome to speak their mind, they’re welcome to busy themselves however they see fit. What gets me about them is if they’re all about helping parents well… why aren’t they helping the parents actually be parents? And can we trust their information is objective?

If you don’t like what you’re kids are watching on TV, be the parent and turn the TV off.

If you don’t know what you’re kids are watching, you should sit down and preview it before you allow them to watch it or at least watch it with them. Discuss it with your kids. If it doesn’t mesh, it’s off limits. If it does mesh, still revisit the program now and again because 1 episode may not be enough to get a proper picture and/or the show can evolve over time.

If you don’t know what your kids are watching, why don’t you get a little more involved in their lives and find out? If it’s because they’ve got a TV in their room, why do they have the TV in their room? Take it out.

Who is in control here? the parents? or the kids? Far too often problems are because the kids are in control and the parent gives up their control. Parents, you are not your child’s friend, you are their parent. Act like it.

Always turning to someone else for opinion about what you should do. Can you not think for yourself? Is your moral compass in lock step with these others? What else can they start to feed you that you’ll blindly accept?

Look… the world is filled with people of all ages, mostly adults. Do I think television (and the world) needs to be sanitized for children? Nope. All the things we’re supposed to be doing for our children is preparing them for “the real world”, for being an adult, for learning how to deal and cope and survive and thrive on their own. To sanitize everything to “keep them safe” does them no long-term good. Better to give them the skills to cope, the morals to know right from wrong, the ability and courage to say “hey, this isn’t the sort of show I should be watching… I’ll change the channel or turn the TV off”. The world is full of ugly things, and while there’s something to be said for trying to rid ugly things from the world, you still need to give your children the skills and ability to deal with those ugly things. I’d say that’s even better, since it not only let’s them deal with the ugly, but is putting some beauty into the world as well because a well-adjusted kid is a beautiful thing.