Time to do my own thing

Today, I step out to be on my own.

I’m leaving the world of W-2 employment to become a full-time independent software developer. I’m making Hsoi Enterprises my full-time gig.

I’m excited, happy, and yes, scared. But very much looking forward to this.

Why am I doing this?

I’ve primarily worked for someone else all my life. But for over 20 years I’ve done side-project work to help scratch my own itches. Four years ago I got more formal with it when I founded Hsoi Enterprises LLC. So I’ve always been semi-indie, and one could say today’s event is just the next step in the evolution. But certainly my primary income came from being a salaried employee in someone else’s company.

There’s multiple reasons why I’m doing this. I’ll share two: one business, one personal.

My Own Road

Every good work of software starts by scratching a developer’s personal itch.
– Eric S. Raymond

I like to create useful, meaningful software that enriches and improves people’s lives. Throughout my career, things I’ve done on my own usually happened because I had an itch to scratch, a need to satisfy. The best software always is the software that the developers themselves use regularly. But often, the direction of a product is pushed by people that don’t use the software, or care more about selling the software than about the use of and users of that software – this often leads to less than good software (and the users are left unsatisfied). Long ago I came to terms about the balance between “good” and “good enough”, the need to ship even if it’s not perfect because we need to make money to keep the lights on in our ivory tower so we can keep working towards “good” (thanx, Doug!). So I grant all the realities of business. But by the same token, I firmly believe if one writes excellent software, it pays off greater dividends in the long run. This is not only in the form of revenue, but also in reputation and goodwill. Conversely, if one keeps shipping shoddy software, if users are constantly frustrated and hate your product, that just isn’t a solid business model.

I’m tired of compromising on this front. I know you can make good products, have happy customers, and still make money. Look at Apple, which is probably why I’ve been an Mac and iOS guy all my life but also why I believe you can have gorgeous, user-satisfying products, good reputation, and succeed. Look at Liberty Bottleworks. Look at EliteFTS. No, you cannot please everyone, nor should you try. But you can ensure you please yourself, that you hold yourself to high standards, and work to build a solid reputation with satisfied customers.

I want to make awesome software. I want to make more useful things. I want to make people’s lives better. And I won’t get to where I want to be unless I travel my own road.

My Family – Along for the Ride

[I] do not believe in quality time but quantity time. I do thinking creating great memories is important but not as much as “being there”. Because of this I work a lot of strange and odd hours.

– Dave Tate, owner EliteFTS, talking about his kids and who he is

When I was growing up, my Dad wasn’t around much. It was just due to the nature of his job, and his dedication to it. As a kid, I resented this because while it was nice to have money and nice stuff, what I really wanted was my Dad. So of course I did what all kids do regarding their parental shortcomings: swear to do better when I’m a parent! For me, that meant being around for my kids. (BTW, I got over my resentment many many years ago, because I came to understand Dad much better as I got older… but a story for another time).

Early on in my professional software development career, I saw how this was a job that could be worked remotely. This is not a job that requires being on-site; yes there are benefits to being on-site, but it’s not a hard-and-fast requirement. I also saw how due to this fact, you could have a bit of a non-standard life (I’m looking at you, Robin Mair and Greg Dow). This greatly appealed to me, and I set about making full-time remote/telework a hard-requirement for any job I took in the future.

Due to that dedication and focus, I was able to spend 12 years working full-time out of my house. One way I can sum it up is that when Oldest took his first steps, I learned about it via a phone call from Wife. When Daughter took her first steps, I got a phone call. But when Youngest took his first steps, it was right to me because I was home. 🙂 Over those 12 years, I got to be deeply involved with my family on a daily, even hourly, basis. That’s precious to me.

People keep bringing up those death-bed regrets, and no one says they wished they worked more, that they wished they had less time with their family.

See, much of life tends to boil down to two things: time and money. I can always get more money, but I can not get more time. Time is the more precious of the two.

After the 12 years at home, I took a job in an office. I spent 2 years there. It was an educational experience in many regards, and I’m happy I went back for the experience because I learned much from the good and from the bad. But the biggest thing I took from it was that that was not the life for me. The precious time wasted being stuck in traffic every day. The orchestration of life around a time-clock and someone else’s notion of what “productive” meant. It just wasn’t working for me. This isn’t a slight against any employer in specific, it’s regarding that sort of life in general. It is not for me and does not enable me to best satisfy myself and provide for my family that which is most important — me.

Working at home gives me the ability to be around my family all day every day (helped in part because we homeschool). Yes, some people think, as a result of our work/school situation, we live an insular lifestyle. No, we just are a tight family. This work setup, the ability to have a more flexible work schedule, allows me to provide my children what I believe is right and best for them, including mentorship as they embark on their own business ventures. What’s funny to me is I’ve thought about having daily “stand-up meetings” with the family. Yes Dad, your daily asking of “Son, what did you do today that was productive?” has come full circle. 🙂

Yes I know. The life I’m leaving is the life many of us live with. Understand this is a personal preference for the road I wish to journey down. I have friends who prefer working in an office; it’s just not my preference. I have friends that consider commuting to be a useful endeavor; I don’t. I know what my priorities are in life, what I want out of the life I have left on this Earth, including what I wish to provide for my family, and well… tho I’m scared and have no idea how this will work out, I’m closing my eyes and taking the plunge.

What’s Ahead

For the immediate future, it’s about getting established. I have infrastructure to firm up.

I already have some projects to work on, and I actually will  be contracting back with my (now) former day-job for a time and helping them find a replacement for me and transition to that replacement person. For the record, I am thankful for the support and mentorship I’ve received from Lee and Carrie Little, founders and owners of Bar-Z Adventures.

If you or someone (some company) you know is looking for a solid software developer, drop me a line. 🙂

Meantime, I forge ahead. I don’t know how this will work out, and honestly while there’s much about this situation that I’ve done before, there’s much that’s new and novel — I don’t know how it will go, or even if it will wind up being the right road for me to travel. But still, I look forward to the challenges, to the new experiences, and the hope for the life I wish for myself and my family. If nothing else, it’ll be an interesting experience, and I’m thankful for the opportunity.

2014-04-30 training log

Based upon Paul Carter’s LRB-365 and Base Building

  • Squat
    • BW x 10
    • BW x 10
    • bar x 5
    • bar x 5
    • 135 x 5
    • 185 x 3
    • 225 x 1
    • 265 x 1
    • 295 x 1

That’s all I did. Work my way up to determine a good every-day-max. I had been doing 285 and it felt a little struggle last week, but this week… I just felt good. Perhaps the lesser work, but I think it’s also in part due to the belt. See, I’ve been lifting belt-less for many months but recently started using it again on my heavier sets. I’m remembering how to use it, and finding that gee… I haven’t been getting as full-body-tight as I should be getting. Today’s big cues were “body tight” and “speed”. I made sure my grip on the bar was white-knuckle, that my upper body was tight too. The belt really helps with that feedback, more than I realized. Then I made sure I went down fast (not an uncontrolled drop, no bounce at the bottom), but that it wasn’t a slow lowering… get down, then power back up. I think between the tight and speed, that helped me get the 295 easily. I consider that good. I do feel I could have pushed harder and ground out a higher 1RM — I think 305 was in me for a grinder. But this isn’t about a grinder, it’s about an EDM. The 295 felt good enough to call it quits.

I am still bummed to see how much strength I’ve lost. But between the poor diet plan and then the injury, some loss was inevitable. Still, this is only 20# away from my best of 315, so that’s not bad at all. Frankly if I work this all right (thinking 6 weeks mass building, 9 weeks base building, then the 5 week short-cycle), I don’t see why I shouldn’t get my 20# back… maybe a little more.

Anyways, I’m going to take the rest of this week and all of next week off. I’ve started getting more rest in terms of pure sleep but also the lack of lifting is less stress on my body. I can already feel improvement, especially in my legs and left ankle. I want to focus on as much rest and recovery as possible. If I know what’s good for me, I will still do something at home, like foam roll, stretch, some bodyweight exercises (e.g. deep knee bends, push ups, etc.). But the key is rest.

2014-04-28 training log

That’s about what I figured.

Based upon Paul Carter’s LRB-365 and Base Building

  • Incline Press
    • 45 x 5
    • 45 x 5
    • 95 x 5
    • 135 x 3
    • 185 x 1
    • 205 x 1
    • 160 x 9
    • 160 x 5
  • Dips
    • BW x 5
  • Wide, neutral grip pull-ups
    • BW x 1
    • BW x 1
    • BW x 1
    • BW x 1
    • BW x 1

As per my plan, this week is just some testing to ensure I know where my every-day max (EDM) is, so going into the next cycle I can be more proper with my percentages. When I started this program, I just picked numbers and increased in a simple fashion. Now that things are somewhat normal, I want to ensure I’m following Paul’s program more strictly. So I wanted to ensure I had my EDM where it should be.

That said, I was pretty sure of where I ended up. I’ve been hitting 200 for a single the past some weeks, and it’s been fine. I knew I was good for 205, and figured I could grind out 210-215. Given how things went today, I think I’m spot on. Paul’s description of your EDM is the most you can do for a crisp single; once it starts to be a slow grinder, that’s closer to a true 1RM. The 205 was good, and I could tell that if I did more, it’d be grinding. So I’m not too far off in my numbers, and I’m happy with that.

I didn’t expect to do much else today. I’m fried. I’m exhausted and burned out. Hooray stress of life. So I figured to do some dips, but it was strange… went for set #2, lowered myself, then couldn’t go up… something said “hell no, you’re not doing that”. I dismounted and tried again, same thing. It was some sort of pain, felt like a nerve thing. I really don’t know, can’t begin to hypothesize, but I was not going back up. Argh. So whatever… skip it.

And despite my better judgment, I thought to try some pull-ups. The neutral-grip pull-downs have been alright to me, so I thought to try neutral-grip pull-ups. It wasn’t bad. Just 5 singles. The grip is probably shoulder-and-a-half width, neutral, and I am not going all the way down (i.e. letting my scapula roll forward/up/out), but getting as close as I feel comfortable. I am thinking to go with this, even if it’s just a bunch of singles. See where it takes me and if my shoulders can be happier with it.

Don’t be a turd

Social media hasn’t turned people into turds, liars, and thieves. Social media just provides an opportunity and puts them under the microscope for all to see. Shitty people will be shitty people with or without the Internet, but with the Internet comes opportunity for people to do things the wrong way and sometimes even make money at it. You essentially have two ways of approaching how you’ll get noticed in this industry—either be honest and have your own ideas or imitate others and pretend the ideas are your own. The thing is most people won’t know the difference. You need to decide if your moral integrity is worth anything to you. The Internet is full of pieces of shit like turds floating in a giant toilet. Don’t be just another turd in the Internet shit bowl.

– Skip Hill

It doesn’t matter what the industry is — this is the way it is in any industry, in life in general.

Honesty, integrity, consistency. These are the things that matter.

Make meaningful contributions.

2014-04-23 training log

Cut short, but there’s a reason.

Based upon Paul Carter’s LRB-365 and Base Building

  • Squat
    • BW x 10
    • BW x 10
    • bar x 5
    • bar x 5
    • 165 x 5
    • 195 x 4
    • 225 x 3
    • 255 x 2
    • 285 x 1
    • 185 x 12
    • 185 x 6

Today was a “jack shit” day. I had to be somewhere at 6am, and I just did not have the time for a complete session. So get in, squat, leave. Just as well, given how burned I’m feeling.

The 285 went up alright. A little slow, but I’m remembering how to use a belt. 😉 I’m also trying to follow more of Paul’s protocols and ensuring every rep is getting as much power behind it as possible. I think I’m good for 295 for a single, not sure if much more. If that’s the case, I’ll be happy because my best is 315 and that’s only 20# down… given all the down time I had with the injury, I’m ok with this. I even thought that if I did some 5/3/1 cycles, I could get back there in short order. But I’m not going to do that.

I’m going to stick with my plan. Next week, figure my 1RM’s on incline bench and squat. From there, calculate percentages so I can more strictly follow Paul’s programming. I will stay with the “mass building” approach outlined in his Base Building eBook, use proper percentages, and do that for at least 6 weeks, maybe more. After that, I am going to switch to try Base Building. I ended up reading through numerous Base Building articles on his website and reading some of the FAQ’s there helped clear up some of the things I wasn’t clear on even after reading the book over and over. I think Base Building is going to be good for me, and just what I need. I’m guessing try that for 9 weeks or so, then I might switch over to Strong-15 (a full 9-week cycle, not the Short-15). But all these things are far enough in the future, I may refine and change.

Anyways, today wasn’t much, but it was alright for what it is. I think my numbers are close enough that next week’s testing won’t be all that far off. Then recalc and really dig in.

Dance with the fear

“How do I get rid of the fear?”

Alas, this is the wrong question.

The only way to get rid of the fear is to stop doing things that might not work, to stop putting yourself out there, to stop doing work that matters.

No, the right question is, “How do I dance with the fear?”

Fear is not the enemy. Paralysis is the enemy.

– Seth Godin

There are some things in my life where fear drove me, but into paralysis. Fear is neither good nor bad, it’s what the fear does and what you do with that fear that matters. For me, it was keeping me from doing particular things.

No more.

Yeah, I’m still scared, but at least now I’m going to try dancing.

2014-04-21 training log

Not a good day.

Based upon Paul Carter’s LRB-365 and Base Building

  • Incline Press
    • 45 x 5
    • 45 x 5
    • 110 x 5
    • 130 x 4
    • 150 x 3
    • 180 x 2
    • 200 x 1
    • 155 x 12
    • 155 x 5
  • DB Bench Press
    • 60e x 10
    • 60e x 10
    • 60e x 8
  • BB Upright Row
    • 60 x 15
    • 60 x 15
    • 60 x 15
  • 20 minutes elliptical

Not one of my better days.

First, while I normally do inclines on the dedicated incline bench, today I opted to use one of the portable benches and put it inside the half-rack. Reason is, next week I’m going to try to establish more proper every day maxes on incline bench and squat. I’ll discuss this more below. So I wanted to get myself in the rack and get one run through that to find positioning and so on. I also opted to wear my belt today just to see how it went.

I’m not sure what happened, or rather, why it happened.

When I did the 200, I got that weird lose-off-vision-dizzy feeling again. It was actually kinda scary today, more so than usual. I haven’t experienced this feeling in a LONG time, but it really hit me hard today during the 200 set. Why? I don’t know. Maybe the belt constriction? Maybe I just got my breath wrong? The way the bench and pegs were, it was great because I didn’t have to do a half-press to get started, it was almost perfectly positioned, but yet it was maybe just a hair too far away and having to “shrug up” to unrack was too much? I just don’t know… but it was enough to cause that dizzy/loss problem and it wasn’t good. I did manage to crank out the 1 rep, but still…. unsettling.

I don’t know what it was then, but that was “it” for me. The rep sets were crappy, and I just felt like today needed to become a “jack shit” day. I realized I’ve been running this program for 12 weeks straight. Between that, poor sleep as of late, work/life stress… well, I think my body is run down enough because I am not feeling it. I think it’s time for a deload. But I was planning on that anyways.

I didn’t feel like totally cashing it in tho. I did a few other sets of things, then that was that.

Here’s the longer-term.

I’ve been working Paul’s program here, which is based off his “mass building” template in his “Basebuilding” eBook. I’m fine with continuing this, but I just picked numbers and have been working those same numbers for a while, just to get me back into the groove. I want to find my max on the incline press and squat, then reprogram the template using his percentages and those numbers. I think most everything else is pretty close, or close enough, so I don’t need to do much adjustment, but I do want to do some because when I made some rough guesses and ran the numbers, I’m way off and would rather see how running things more closely to his prescribed program will go.

So this week? I just keep going as normal. If the rest of the week turns into the same sort of “jack shit” then it does. I’m OK with this.

Next week Monday I test my incline press to find my new max. I may or may not do assistance work afterwards, just depends. Wednesday I will test squat. Friday will be off.

Then I take a full week off. My focus will be on rest, getting as much sleep as possible. This will dovetail with some other life things just nicely.

Then I will come back with new numbers, doing this same program tho. I’ll stick with it for at least 6 weeks. After those 6, I’ll see. I may take a week off then do another 6. Just have to see how things go. But I am looking then at transitioning to trying Paul’s basebuilding templates, then after that for about 9-10 weeks doing his Strong-15 short cycle for a little strength peak. After that? Probably back to mass building. We’ll see tho. It’s mostly experimenting and learning at this point.

2014-04-18 training log

Based upon Paul Carter’s LRB-365 and Base Building

  • BB Rows
    • 140 x 8
    • 140 x 8
    • 140 x 8
    • 140 x 8
    • 140 x 7
  • Seated Cable Rows
    • 95 x 15
    • 95 x 15
    • 95 x 13
  • Shrugs
    • 155 x 20
    • 155 x 20
    • 155 x 16
    • 155 x 15
  • Wide, Neutral-grip Pulldowns
    • 95 x 15
    • 95 x 15
    • 95 x 15
    • 95 x 15
    • 95 x 13
  • BB Curls
    • 30 x 27/12/8 (rest-pause)
  • Today was an 80% day.

    I only got a few hours of sleep too, which didn’t help. But you just get up and keep going. I should be able to rest alright this weekend.

    Still trying to focus a lot on being slow and controlled in the movements, really feeling the muscle, letting it work, focus on the negative, etc.. It’s such a different way to lift.

    2014-04-16 training log

    Wow. I haven’t worked this hard in a while.

    Based upon Paul Carter’s LRB-365 and Base Building

    • Squat
      • BW x 10
      • BW x 10
      • bar x 5
      • bar x 5
      • 155 x 5
      • 185 x 4
      • 215 x 3
      • 245 x 2
      • 275 x 1
      • 185 x 15
      • 185 x 6
    • Stiff Leg Deadlift
      • 205 x 8
      • 205 x 8
      • 205 x 6
    • Leg Press
      • 160 x 20
      • 160 x 17
      • 160 x 17
      • 160 x 15
    • Standing Calf Raises
      • 40 x 12
      • 40 x 12
      • 40 x 12
      • 40 x 12

    Wow. Today kicked my ass.

    I continue to go up in weight and reps, trying to find my place again. I’m getting there tho.

    I opted to wear a belt again. I haven’t worn a belt in many many months. I wore it on my 2 and 1 sets, and forgot how tight to pull it. When I was in the hole with the 275, I’m pressing out with my abs and was like “where’s the damn belt?”. It was tight, but not tight enough. One more notch would have done it, and I did that on the 185’s. In most respects, this was a “remembering” effort on using the belt.

    That said, I felt wickedly worked after this session. I skipped lunges because I was wiped. Looking back, I probably shouldn’t have, but too late now.

    One thing I’m thinking about is what to do next. I’ve been running Paul’s program for about 10 weeks straight, but it’s not been an exhausting 10 weeks since it started out as ankle rehab. I do think I’m finding my weights — like I probably will go up to 285 next week (with belt), but keep the reps at 185. I did play with Paul’s percentages and I’m way off his numbers — mostly because I started out just picking numbers, and have done simple +5 or +10 increases to keep things simple while I found my way back.

    So, I think I’ll go another 2 weeks (end of April) and find where my weights should be. Just stay the course, minor changes just to try to settle in. Take a week off. Then come back and start on more formal application of Paul’s protocols. I’m not 100% sure how I’ll do it, but I might do something like another 6 weeks of Big-15-style work, then maybe do 9 weeks of Strong-15. I dunno, we’ll see. Still thinking through stuff, but I think that I can call “rehab” done, and that I should be finding my way back. There’s no question I’m adding muscle mass, which I like. But I do want to get some strength back because I lost a bunch.