This person looked at me for a moment and with a bit of exasperation and said, “Violence is never the answer! It never will be and we must stop violence throughout our society!” I looked at this person for a moment and said, “You know, you are right…violence is never the answer to society’s problems. But, unfortunately, all to often, it is the only solution.”

– Dave Spaulding (emphasis added)

A good way to phrase it.

The above was the ending of an anecdote from Dave Spaulding. He was telling of a conversation he had with a person, that upon finding out what he did for a living began to chastise him saying how what he does promote violence, and because people receive this sort of training they are more apt to resort to violence as a solution instead of non-violent solutions.

It’s probably safe to assume this person has no experience in such training. Never took a class, sat in on a class, or has any idea what goes on in such classes. So I’m not sure how this person can speak with such authority about what goes on with that training. Speaking as a professional trainer, I can tell you that certainly there is emphasis on firearm handling skills, but there’s also a great deal of emphasis on seeking alternatives. It is preferred to not resort to violence, because violence is costly. There’s a great deal of teaching about non-violent resolution, including walking away or even avoiding the situation in the first place. Look at trainers like SouthNarc and his Managing Unknown Contacts work. Look at Massad Ayoob and his MAG-20. Texas CHL curriculum is required to teach non-violent resolution techniques. But the difference is we accept that sometimes violence is the only solution.

Prior to the above, Dave wrote:

Knowing this person had never faced a violent situation in their lives and would have no concept of what fear does to a person I responded, “What would such a non-violent solution look like?” I was told, “I don’t know, but it would not result in a death.” “Whose death are we talking about here?” I said, ” You see, the person attacking you has already made up their mind to hurt or kill you…you can’t reason with them as they do not think like you do. The biggest mistake anyone can make is to apply how we think about a particular situation and apply it to a predator. The death you are referring to could be yours.”

This is what people often overlook or don’t even consider: it could mean their death. That yes, you are a reasonable person, but this other person — by virtue of attacking you — has already demonstrated they are unreasonable. Read this recent story for a perfect example of how random acts of violence occur, how they are performed by unreasonable persons, and how if not for a lot of luck and a will to fight and win, this person wouldn’t be alive to recount his grave error.

So what would you do?

If your answer is “I don’t know”, that’s not good for you. Think about every other aspect of life, every other thing you do from your family to your job to even your hobbies. You prepare. The better prepared you are in advance, the better you can handle the situation when it unfolds. Are you going to get up and give a speech, cold, to a room full of people? Or would you prefer to know your topic ahead of time, gather some notes, and practice a few times? Well, now you have a response should someone ask you to stand up and say a few words. But if you were asked cold and could only muster an “I don’t know”, how well do you think you’ll fare on the spot? Can you see how “I don’t know” isn’t going to serve you well?

Violence unfolds very suddenly and quickly. When recounting a violent encounter, so many victims start out with “I never saw them” or “They came out of nowhere”. It takes you by surprise. It’s sudden, swift, and you can only react. Why do so many people freeze when bad things happen? Because they have no response and their brains are frantically searching for a response; meantime, time — and the attack — continue forward, the situation ever-changing, and your brain having to reset its OODA loop constantly as it searches for a new response to the new situation. You will be perpetually behind the curve, and will suffer for it. If you prepare beforehand, you’ll be better off. This holds true for everything in life.

And yes, if your preparation is for a non-violent type of response, that’s fine — at least you prepared. But now take a step back and honestly assess the effectiveness of your non-violent solution. Place yourself in the above story and honestly assess if your solution would have been effective. And yes, you have to honestly examine this and not look to self-justify or make excuses, because this is your life at stake. If your solution works, great! Share it with us to help everyone learn solid solutions. Let the solution be vetted in the labs and field to see if it actually works out. Don’t be afraid to contribute, because we all want the same thing: to live peaceful lives. The more we can do to achieve it by less costly means, the better.

In the meantime, remember what Dave said: “You are right…violence is never the answer to society’s problems. But, unfortunately, all to often, it is the only solution.”