How do you respond to being asked?

/ hsoi

Many people that carry concealed appreciate the concealed aspect of it. Out of sight, out of mind, no one’s business but my own.

But sooner or later you’re going to encounter someone that will ask you if you are carrying, now.

How to respond?

This thread on the Armed Citizens’ Legal Defense Network Facebook page had some good discussion on the topic.

M.H.’s response was along the lines of saying “That’s not a polite question to ask someone.”  This is the approach I’ve most often heard, but I don’t like it as a blanket response. First, I’m not sure Ms. Manners ever broached the topic of carry, so I can’t really blame someone for not knowing if it was polite or not. In fact, if someone did know it was not polite, chances are they wouldn’t have asked. So in the end, all you’ve done is rebuke the asker and made them feel stupid. Is that really what you want? Likely not, so why use this answer?

Some people give non-committal answers, like “I’ll never tell” (L.W.) or M.P’s “No, but if I did I wouldn’t tell you either” or “When appropriate” (which we should know means “always”).

Others view it as a political statement or a teachable moment, a time to be proud and let people know because carry is nothing to be ashamed of (R.G). I did like R.G.’s deflective but inviting response: “Hey, that’s a great question! How about we grab a latte someplace on me and chat?”. View it as an opportunity to educate someone.

I’ve never had a firm, blanket response to this question, because I’ve never felt there was such a solitary answer. To me, it all depends upon context. Who is asking? Why are they asking? When and where are they asking? Does it matter if they know? These things all come together to help you form the correct answer. And yes due to that, sometimes “that’s not a polite question to ask” may be the appropriate response!

But that said, it’s like all situations in that being prepared for it, thinking ahead, coming up with some default responses, are good things to have filed away. I like R.G.’s comment as a blanket response because it doesn’t expose anything immediately, and opens up the lines of communication for later when you could have better control over the situation (e.g. maybe you’re talking in a place where such an overheard conversation would be inappropriate, so now you can move somewhere more appropriate). Also remember, you don’t have to directly answer – or answer at all – the question asked. Someone might get insistent “yeah, but are you carrying NOW!??” and you can just keep repeating the latte line. You don’t always have to give them the answer they want, give them the answer you want – you be in control.

Give thought to this question and your responses. They will affect how others perceive you and concealed carry as a whole. Leave them with a positive impression (or at least, not a negative one).

11 thoughts on “How do you respond to being asked?”

  1. I was just reading something the other day about answering an “impolite” question, or one you just don’t want to answer (immediately or at all) with, “Why do you want to know?”

    It seems to me that this could be an appropriate response to the “are you carrying” question as well. Again, depending on the situation. But it does avoid answering the question immediately, and opens up the opportunity for discussion – if you say it in a nice way, rather than being snide/sarcastic about it. Similar to RG’s answer, but useful when it’s not convenient/appropriate/possible to “go grab a latte and chat about it.”

    • That’s another good response. It might draw too much of an immediate conversation, so you have to be mindful of situation, but still could be good. Like I said, no blanket answer, really, all contextual.

  2. I was asked just a few days ago by an ignorant co-worker. I went with the non-answer question-with-a-question and said “Why would I need to carry here?”

    it fed into their preconceived notions, and they took that to mean ‘no.’

  4. What’s wrong with answering “Generally speaking, yes. When and where permitted.”
    We are normal people doing normal things and that image needs to be reinforced. The Other Side is painting us as cowboys or Dirty Harry wannabes.

    • There’s nothing wrong with that answer, but sometimes it may not be appropriate. It just depends upon context. What if you’re in an NPE, lots of sheep around, and someone asks that question… may or may not be the best answer. You may not want to attract attention, you may not want the hassle and headache right then and there.

      I do agree it’s best to normalize it, because is is normal. But still, certain environments may be more sensitive than others, and it’s just good to be sensitive to it.

  5. I also don’t have one stock answer. It really depends on who is asking , stranger on the street versus knowledgeable family or friend.

    I have answered strangers/acquitances before with “3 million Texans have a carry permit so the odds of you being around someone carrying is good”.

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