Month: October 2010

No awareness

/ hsoi / 1 Comment

I had to pick up Oldest from his Confirmation class. There are a lot of teenagers in that class, maybe 100 or more.

I arrive towards the tail end of class and stand just inside the doors to wait for them to finish. The lights are dim because they are having a quiet reflection time. They finish, dismiss everyone, but lights stay dim.

What do I see coming towards me? A sea of teenagers. I’d say 80% of them I could only see the top of their head… not because I am at least a foot taller than them, but because they have their heads down, face illuminated by the liquid crystal glow coming from their phones… texting or dialing or flipping through messages as they walked.

First, I felt old because it was obviously a sign of the younger generation.

Second, I felt upset because none of these kids had any awareness of what was going on around them. I’m thinking next time about standing in the middle of the aisle to see how many run into me.

Zero awareness.

Recipe for danger. And I’m not just talking about something like getting mugged. But even more mundane things like walking into something or tripping over something.

*sigh*

Wingo update

/ hsoi

The Austin Chronicle has an interview with Trivett Wingo about his departure from The Sword:

OTR: What exactly is the issue?

TW: Not to get too specific, but my level of anxiety pertaining to being on tour got to the point where medication was not the answer. You can crunch Valiums all the time, but at a certain point you have to ask yourself if you should just be staying at home. I had been medicating myself to be on tour, and I realized that psychiatric help wasn’t the answer. I was very deeply unhappy. I didn’t want to sedate myself and do something that I wasn’t enjoying. I figured it was better for me to finally listen to my inner voice and strike out on my own. I wanted to finish it all. If I had known what point I would break, I wouldn’t have planned anything beyond that, but I reached my own personal breaking point as far as my panic and anxiety. I was living in a mental hell. I think it was really starting to affect my performance as well. I really officially completely burned myself down to a nub.

OTR: Is the relief immediate?

TW: I feel sad and confused that I’m not with the band anymore. I can’t say that I don’t have some regret that I couldn’t make it work, but I do feel like a weight is off me in knowing that I’m not getting on that bus again. It’s going to take me a long time to get over it and unwind all of the stuff in my mind. It’s a change in identity for me. I realized that I couldn’t be in a touring band, even in a couple years from now. It’s been hard on everyone. People think it’s really easy to just ride around and fly on airplanes and play rock & roll shows. What they don’t realize is that you completely give up your entire personal life. All of your meaningful relationships are thrown into a pile and neglected. You’re not there for your friends or your family, the people that you love. Meanwhile, you’re thrust into this void where you sit around and jerk off for 23 hours waiting to play one hour of music. That just killed me. I was dying on the road. I can’t deal with that amount of downtime everyday and being disconnected from everything. I decided it was time to work 9-5 and rehabilitate myself. I just want a fucking “normal life,” with a dog and a wife and a kid and the whole deal.

I’m sorry to hear that, but I can’t say I blame the guy. It’s good that he realized it and is taking the steps for his sanity and well-being.

Glad you’re taking care of yourself. Wish you the best, Trivett.

Seen at the local bookstore

/ hsoi

Went to the bookstore to look for a book (what else?). While walking the aisles I saw this:

😯

Alright! Way to help the cause. It’s not like depressed people are sensitive and low on self-esteem. 😉

 

10 down

/ hsoi

So about 4 weeks ago I started to work on “serious” weight loss. You can read the background that got me to this point, and the course of action I’m undertaking.

Since I started, it appears I’ve lost 10 pounds. 10 pounds in 4 weeks? I can live with that, especially since not all weeks were ideal. There was the business trip to California, and that was tough because meals are social events, but even if I couldn’t be strict about a down day I still kept the intake reasonable. Then there was the trip to Georgia to get Sasha, and while that wasn’t ideal I was pretty close to sticking to the regimen. I’d like to think if I had been able to stick to the diet perfectly I’d probably be down another couple of pounds, but hey, so long as I’m seeing steady progress I’m alright with that. And again, about 2.5 lbs a week is a good average rate.

I don’t really notice the difference when I look in the mirror, but it’s 10# of loss spread over a very tall frame. Now that I think about it, stupid me should have taken pictures. I guess I should remedy that now. I’ve no plans to share the pictures. Too scary (for you), too personal (for me).

But I have noticed my clothing fitting differently. For instance, I’m using the same hole on my belt yet the belt is a little looser. I can’t switch to the next hole yet, but I know that will come. So, seeing what I see on the scale along with a little bit of “tangible” evidence, I can dig that.

As for the program itself (up day down day), I have to admit, it’s working. On paper it works because you are decreasing your total caloric intake but not starving your body. But the best part? It’s not a mental stress. In fact now after 4 weeks of it I’m finding myself in quite a groove with it. Week 2 was the hardest for me — the down days just got old. But you press on because you know it’s merely a matter of hours until you can eat normally again. Then when you can eat, you eat but you always keep your goal in mind. It works out pretty well. I also like that this program requires nothing but my own discipline. That’s as it should be. No buying meals, no buying other products or supplements. I like that it costs me nothing and I can still eat all the good food Wife cooks.

So all in all, this is working out well. It’ll feel neat to break through the 200 lbs. and hopefully by the end of November I’ll be there. I did notice that Thanksgiving itself will be a down day for me, and yes I will stick to it. Besides, the leftovers are always better than the original meal. 🙂

In the dark

/ hsoi / 2 Comments

“Strange things happen in the dark….”

I’ve been walking my neighborhood in the dark.

I see how dark my neighborhood is, and I know it’s not the only one.

People have no lights illuminating the exterior of their house. Street lights don’t cover every inch of ground. It’s amazing how dark it is out there.

And how that darkness can conceal and hide things.

As I walked around I could point out all sorts of great places to hide. Places where I could work a door or window open to break into someone’s house and no one would see me. Of course, I wouldn’t partake in such activities, but you have to think like a criminal so you can understand your enemy and work to defeat them.

To me, it’s a simple premise: cockroaches don’t like light.

From the road – patience

/ hsoi

To bring Sasha home we had to drive 2000+ miles to Georgia and back. Spending about 37 hours on the road, we saw many interesting things.

One of the best things I saw? My children.

They were bored. They were tired. They were cooped up and cramped up in the car. They could have been cranky, they could have fought, they could have complained. But never a problem.

We looked at the trip as an adventure. A way to see more of the world (Wife and I had never been through this part of the world). A way to experience different things. And of course, a way to bring Sasha home.

I often speak of how your mindset makes a big difference on how you view, experience, and consider life. Giving my kids a good mindset, framing the trip ahead of us? And of course, rewarding their positive behavior? All the difference in the world.

The kiddos were well-behaved, excited, looked at the world with wonder and inquisitiveness. Yes they were tired, yes they were sick of McDonald’s and Subway, but they hung in there and were real troopers about everything.

I like my kids. 🙂

Do the Republicans get it?

/ hsoi / 4 Comments

In today’s mail I received a Travis County Ballot Book. It’s a little booklet designed to be a candidate guide for the upcoming elections. Of course my first reaction is to see who put it out to know how the bias will spin. This particular guide was published by the Travis County Republican Party (how lame… the booklet says their website is www.tcrp.org but that doesn’t work).

The guide starts out with a letter to voters from the TCRP Chair, Rosemary Edwards, Ph.D.. It ends with this gem:

The Republican Party in Travis County stands for protecting YOU from the overreach of government. Your hard earned money is being spent in ways that just don’t make a lot of sense. We want to keep more money in our own pockets to provide for our families. We stand with you in cutting back government programs that get in the way of your prosperity.

When your representatives do not represent the will of the people, we stand with you to VOTE them OUT!

Gosh… what are the odds these words are going to come back and haunt the Republicans?

I do like the word-craft. “Overreach of government”… which means they’ll be happy to reach into your lives and pocketbook to whatever level they see fit, but no more. “We want to keep more money in our own pockets to provide for our families”; my guess is that came out differently than it was intended, but I’ll chalk it up to a Freudian slip because yes… they want to keep more of OUR money (my money) in their own pockets to provide for THEIR families. And cut back programs that get in the way of my prosperity, which implies they’ll be happy to create loads of programs that they believe will somehow benefit me.

What a crock.

I like the last part tho, that if they don’t represent the will of the people they need to be voted out.

You Republicans do realize that means you too, right? Supposing your party wins big in 2010, you realize if you fuck up over the next two years you’ll be seeing an even bigger problem in 2012? Are you going to be man enough to say “yes, vote me out because I talked shit and didn’t back it up like the no-integrity-having scumbag I am?” Or better, are you man enough to acknowledge if you make a mistake and voluntarily step aside?

I’m not betting on them being any different, but I’d be happy to be proven wrong.

The Republicans right now are preaching “hope and change” of their own, especially the change part. I know this is nothing but election-time posturing to get themselves back in power. What they fail to realize is they too are part of the problem. I’d be happy if the Republicans gained control of the Congress because a little gridlock would be good (helps minimize potential for damage). But what the old guard (Democrat and Republican establishment) needs to realize is they are both part of the problem and causing the growing unrest in this nation. The more you bullshit the citizenry, the more angry and upset they will become. Obama promised change, and we got nothing but the same old bullshit. Now you Republicans are promising an alternative, but I know it’s the same old bullshit. Once both major parties demonstrate they’re cut from the same cow patty, it’s only downhill from here.

The slope is slippery, n’est-ce pas?

/ hsoi

All those closed-circuit cameras around town. They always claim they’ll be used for some wonderful purpose, like to stop violent crime. They claim they will never be used for anything else. But you ought to know by now, once something gets put in place, it’s not only next to impossible to remove but they will find other things to use it for.

And such is the case in Nice, France. The CCTV was to only be used for violent crimes, but now parking offenses will be handed out based upon video surveillance.

So… how far are you willing to slide down?

Doggie School – First Day

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Today was Sasha’s first day of doggie school. We’re going to Triple Crown Dog Academy, which is the best school in the area.

I’m pretty impressed with the facility and our trainer, Abel. Looks like they run a good ship, and Abel has the knowledge and experience. He’s never worked with a Kuvasz before, but he was reading up on them before we arrived.

We started out with me being interviewed about our situation, what we wanted out of training, and so on. We then took Sasha out of the car and brought her over to the potty area. Abel observed and as expected Sasha was excited and nervous and reacted as such. We switched her collar to one of their StarMark collars, and boy, that made a difference. She was MUCH more responsive to corrections.

We worked on basics of walking on a loose leash and “sit”. How to work in correction, how to work in praise. The interesting thing? Some of the immediate “how do we deal with these problem situations?” are going to be addressable by this. For instance, when sitting, dog should sit, quietly, waiting for us to “free” them; distractions shouldn’t distract, they are to do nothing but sit (if you will). So let’s say there’s something outside she doesn’t like and she runs up to the window and starts barking. I don’t mind if she alerts us to the situation, so that bark is OK, but continued barking? No go. But do we need to issue other commands, like “quiet”? Well, perhaps later, but not right now. Right now we just work to distract and have her work on “sit”, since that works out the “be quiet” part as well. Of course, we must be a human Pez dispenser with the treats to keep the positive reinforcement going. But for now for the next week, this is where we want to go. Also our walks and teaching her how to walk on a loose leash help out with distractions, keeping focused, and so on.

By the end of the hour? She was approaching Abel and ate out of his hand but then something spooked her and she barked and ran back to Momma. But it was a big change from how she was an hour prior. Furthermore, she was getting pretty good at keeping a watch on us as we walked; able to go further and further without problem.

So, the trainer felt the progress was good. We were all pleased with the results. Yes again we’re behind the curve so there’s work to be done. But so far, so good.

We’ll continue doing private lessons like this for a few weeks, working on the basic obedience and manners. Once she’s got things down, we’ll continue to up the ante, further training, group classes, and so on.

I’m just happy to see progress, both in her, and in us.

Sasha progresses

/ hsoi / 2 Comments

These first few days at home with Sasha have been a challenge.

First, we have to make a big paradigm adjustment to “dog think”. Wife and I have been neglecting many other things in our lives (including each other), instead spending our time devouring all that we can about dog think, training, behavior, etc.. Who said training is for the dog? It’s for the owner. 🙂

There is no question Sasha loves and submits to us. We go away and come back, she explodes with joy and excitement at the sight of us. We can cuddle her, brush every part of her, manipulate her head and teeth, you name it, and all the kids can do it too. No doubt, girl has said “This is my family. I love them, I will protect them.”

It’s that last part that’s been hard to deal with.

We don’t know if Sasha has baggage. I spoke with the breeder about this a couple of days ago, and their feeling is Sasha is adjusting. New family, which is strongly claims, then everything else around her is new as well. So, family is good, everything else is unfamiliar thus a potential threat. Thus, much barking, almost impossible to have other people in the house. It’s been a challenge. Wife was rather dejected on Sunday evening. Even the discussions with a friend of mine were a bit on the negative side and had me a little concerned and beat down, like did I get myself into a bad situation?

But I’ll say this.

Sasha is improving.

I’ve been working on the basics: sit, stay, down, come; she knows them, but isn’t 100% with them (especially if there’s a distraction like a perceived threat, which could just be someone outside walking down the sidewalk). She’s good at “drop it” and “leave it”. She knows her name.

I’ve been working on her with “quiet”. I’ve been working on her about going to her “room” (crate). I’ve also been working on loose leash walking. I see progress, but also a lot of work ahead.

This morning, I took her out for a walk. The past few days I haven’t done a neighborhood walk, instead we’ve been in the yard working on loose leash walking technique. But later today Sasha will have her first visit to “doggie school“, so I didn’t want to do any training work, just morning poop and a walk to get a little exercise. I expected the walk to be like prior walks: her talking me out for a controlled drag (I will not let the dog control the situation, but certainly past “walks” have been a massive tug-o-war). But to my (welcome) surprise, the walk was not like that! Oh sure, it wasn’t a picture perfect “at my side” walk, but I could tell she was getting it with regards to proper walk. I’d say the leash was loose 70% of the walk. Oh sure she’d get a little behind me to sniff something, but I’d keep walking and merely the pop of the leash tightening when I got far enough away was enough to tell her to get back to me. Or she’d get in front of me, perhaps slight tension on the leash, but never a strong pull that I had to fight. A few cars drove by, she got alert but no problem. We had to stop on the sidewalk as a car was backing out of a driveway, I had her sit, no problems. Someone was in the shadows of their driveway, coming out to get their newspaper, and that did excite her more than anything else on the walk so I did have to give a few explicit pops, but there was no barking or overt “must fend off the threat!” behavior.

Much praise was lavished on Sasha throughout the walk. 🙂

The Kuvasz has their nature, and that’s part of why we chose this breed. I do not want to turn her into something she’s not, I do not want to suppress her nature, only help us live in better harmony. She needs to allow our friends to come over to our house and allow herself to get to know them — they are extended flock. So, we just have to keep working on things.

She’s not a lost cause. She just needs work, but then, don’t we all?