Who knew that bowling could be so dangerous, but thankfully we’ve now got a UK Government study telling us so. Thank God for the government telling us these things.

Back in my day, people took bowling as a P.E. class because it was a joke. But apparently now evil bowling lanes are just waiting to gobble up and physically mangle our children. They must be banned! Or at least:

 

Its authors even considered ordering every bowling alley to put barriers across lanes. But they were forced to admit defeat – after realising that bowlers must be able to see what they are aiming at.

 

I wouldn’t even call that a modicum of common sense winning out; that’s still too generous.

And did you know, if you continue to breathe, you might suck in a bug that could cause you to choke and die. Better stop breathing now because the risks of choking on a bug are too great!

*sigh*